Alexithymia
by TheSantiSuicide
Summary: Based on the movie “The Quiet”, Bella gets a new foster brother who doesn’t seem to talk…and has mysterious markings all over his otherwise flawless body. An attraction sparks as she attempts to figure out who exactly Jasper Hale is. And what he's hiding.
1. Helter Skelter

**AN: This is our (santi911 and cullenlover1901) new story, we really hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed writing it, this story is heavily inspired by a movie "The Quiet," so if you haven't seen it then we suggest you go check it out…**

**Also, some things we couldn't fit into the summary : AU, All Human, and OOC...with lemons later on in the story...lol.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight but however we do own computers and lots of empty cans of Pepsi.**  
**Every chapter's title will be a song. This title was inspired by the song Helter Skelter by The Beatles. **

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_****_Third person_**

"I think that's everything. All the paper work is taken care of, and you should be expecting him sometime tomorrow afternoon," the social worker said to Renée. "Mrs. Dawyer you do understand what you are doing, right? You do understand how difficult a challenged child is to handle, especially one in case this sensitive."

"Mr. Beckett I assure you that after caring for and teaching challenged children for over 13 years now, I know _exactly_ what I am doing and how much I am capable of," Renée defended.

"Alright, Mrs. Dawyer I trust that you will do all that's in your power to keep this boy out of the system."

"I guarantee I will," she said with false confidence.

Renée had been trying for months to finish up the paper work for her foster child, ever since she started working with challenged children she wanted to become a foster parent. Now this was her chance at the son she never had. The boy came from a very complicated and stressed family situation. Then he was thrown into foster care after an incident with his parents and now it was Renée's job to look after him until he turned eighteen and for some time thereafter, just as a regular parent would with their birth child.

Renee had just put the finishing touches on the newly painted guest bedroom when Bella walked down the hall and leaned on the door frame with her arms crossed, eyeing Renée suspiciously.

"You know I still don't really understand where this random burst of interior decorator extraordinaire came from; I mean this room has been used to store all of our old and useless stuff from years past and years present. Why now, why this time to go all Martha Stewart on our house?" her tone accusatory. "And it's not just this room either, I noticed the kitchen looks like a page from the Crate and Barrel catalogue, the living room has a new TV and the bathrooms look all modern and new…what's the deal mom? Are we selling the house or something because I would rather know now than later-"

"Bella would you please calm down and stop being ridiculous! The cause of this 'random burst of interior decorator extraordinaire' is that it's just time for change," she explained excitedly. "Just think of this as a fresh start! You know what they say a whole new look is equal to whole a new aura!"

Bella rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh, right! Who said that again?"

Renee looked back at her daughter and picked up one of the pillows from the bed. "Me, that's who said it, and you know what else I say? Go wash the dishes," Renée laughed as she launched the pillow at Bella.

"Mom!" she giggled as she tossed the pillow back at the bed.

"Go," Renée shooed.

"Alright I'm going!"

_Next week…_

"Wait, what?!" Bella exclaimed to her mother as they sat eating dinner on Friday night.

"I thought you were okay with this Bella," Her mom sighed.

"Yeah, a year ago, when I thought you'd change your mind." Bella felt like a bad person for making such a big deal over a good cause, but with the lack of a dad growing up, she didn't want to lose her mom too.

Renée shook her head and folded her hands on the table. "If this is going to upset you…I won't do it. But just think of this child. Would _you_ even want to be stuck with people you don't know? They're probably not thrilled with it either."

Biting her lip in consideration, Bella decided that this was a good thing. And her mom was finally acting like an adult.

"I'm fine with it mom. And I'll help however I can." Bella leaned across the table and put her hand on her mom's. "I'm proud of you."

Renée smiled weakly in response. "I'm really glad Bella."

Nodding, Bella got up and started putting the dishes away. "So, how long is this going to take…for everything to be final, I mean. It's a long process isn't it?"

Renée didn't answer and Bella turned towards her mother with a frown.

Hesitantly, she answered. "Well actually…everything _is_ final, Bella. The agency called and he should be here tomorrow."

In shock, Bella dropped the plate she had been cleaning and stared at her mom, wide eyed.

"Wait, what?!"

"You've been saying that a lot lately," Renée commented as she went to pick up the mess off the ground.

She knew she should have told her daughter earlier, but she would just falter when the time came. She also knew that Bella would warm up to the idea, so she didn't think it was a problem postponing the news for a few days…or months.

Bella just stood there looking at the ground. This was too soon. Why did her mom not tell her…but then, looking back she realized how obvious it should have been. Her mom redecorating, all the little remarks about family and such…she was just too blind to see it, she guessed.

As Renée finished picking up the mess, she put a reassuring hand on her daughters shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Bella simply nodded, and went to sit back down.

"So…tell me about him."

Renée, getting excited, bounced over to the table and started gushing over everything she knew about her soon to be 'son'.

"Well, his name is Jasper. He's a few months older than you."

_Seventeen and some months then_, Bella thought.

"He's been in and out of foster homes his whole life. They didn't tell me specifics about his parents though." She looked down slowly after remembering that she left out a semi major detail.

"What mom? What's wrong," Bella asked suddenly, overwhelmed with concern.

Renée shook her head. "Nothing I-I just forgot a minor detail."

After a few seconds of silence Bella had enough. "Well? Out with it?"

Renée cleared her throat. "Really, it's nothing we can't deal with…"

"What mom? You know my curiosity is driving me mad," Bella joked.

"Well…it's…he-" she paused for a few seconds.

"I'm waiting…" Bella sang.

"I umm…uh…he's umm…well, he's deaf."

Bella blanched and took in a sharp breath, after a few seconds of thick silence, Renée touched her shoulder "Bella I-"

"Deaf! If that's what you call a _minor_ detail, I can't even imagine what else you have been keeping from me!"

"Bella it just slipped my mind. I mean both of us are more than fluent in sign language, and he reads lips along with that. We should have no problem communicating," Renée defended.

"That is beside the point _mother_! Forgetting to tell me that the dryer ate one of my socks is a minor detail, but forgetting to tell me that the foster child that is coming to live with us is deaf, is a _completely_ different matter!"

"Bella I am so sorry, I just didn't think it-".

"No mother you don't think about anyone else but you," Bella muttered through her teeth.

A thick silence ensued. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No you're not, but it's okay. I realize I have made my fair share of mistakes, but Bella you need to just bare with me because I'm doing the best I can okay. With Phil gone for the next few months it's been more than stressful," she explained. "Now look, all things aside, I think we can really help him, Bella."

She smiled at her mom's loving nature. But she still couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy that she wouldn't be the center of that love anymore.

"So, he's coming tomorrow then?"

Rene nodded and looked over her house. "This could be good for you too Bella."

"Yeah," she lied.

That night Bella stayed up huddled in a ball under her blankets, listening to the rain of Forks, Washington. 'This could be good for you too, Bella' her mom's remark replayed in her head for the hundredth time.

Could it really? Her family's always been somewhat broken. Yes, her father has been there, but not really. And her mom was all she had because Phil was- Bella stopped that train of thought because she knew it wouldn't get her anything but dejected.

Although she wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea…If she gave it a shot this could be good for her. She might even end up making a friend out of it…but maybe that was a bit too optimistic.

Jasper had nothing, not even all five senses. After thinking the whole situation over a few more times Bella felt extremely awake. She retrieved her notebook and started to write --An activity that seemed to have removed itself from her daily rituals due to lack of inspiration-- A couple hours later, as the rain started to lessen, and a little glow of light broke through the curtains, Bella stuck her notebook back under her bed and let the exhaustion have its way with her.

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**AN: Reviews are our drug, fuel our addiction. **

**--Helter Skelter--**

I'm coming down fast, but don't let me break you  
Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer  
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

**-Thanks for reading-**

**TheSantiSuicide**


	2. Adding To The Noise

**Just to clarify a few things:**

**1. Jasper can read lips and sign, he can talk normally because he lost his hearing at a young age, he was not born deaf. **

**2. This chapter's title was Adding To the Noise by Switchfoot.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight; if we did I'm pretty sure I would be off somewhere making plans to take over the literary world _…again.lol._**

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_**Bella's POV**_

I woke up to the sound of rain pouring. Opening my eyes weakly, I looked over to the clock.

12:00 pm.

Grumbling, I rolled over and smothered my face in the pillows. After a couple minutes of fighting for sleep, I gave up and stumbled, disoriented, to the main bathroom to get my shampoo seeing as my mother forgot to return it to my bathroom after she used it.

Halfway to the bathroom door, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"It should be the left door at the very end of the hallway. I'll be up there in a sec," my mom's voice called.

Who was she talking to? Still slightly asleep, I turned and – oh my god!

There, on the landing was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen. Tall and pale, with blonde hair in a slight disarray, and a lean, yet muscular build.

He was dressed in a dark gray band hoodie and some black skinny jeans. He was carrying a checkered backpack and holding a guitar case. I was left breathless at the sight of him.

I slightly remember gasping, but anything else I could have been thinking left my brain once I was met with those dark blue eyes.

…and that's when I remembered. That was Jasper. And I was...

Looking down, I found that I was wearing a sad excuse for pajamas – some blue underwear and short tank top.

Now totally conscious and completely embarrassed, I looked back to find him eyes wide.

"Oh my god," I may have been fully awake, but I wasn't very coherent. "I-uh, and you. Forgot, and," Shaking my head, and knowing I probably looked like a complete idiot, I turned and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and leaning against it.

"Oh, that must be Bella," I heard my mom say. "She's so clumsy sometimes. She must have bumped into a wall or something."

Great, just great, I thought sarcastically.

This was not quite the greatest first impression I had intended on having.

After retrieving my shampoo and finding the guts to come out, I opened the door a crack checking if anyone was there, and ran into my room so I could shower off some of the embarrassment.

Once I was fully clothed and decent, I slowly walked to the kitchen.

"Someone slept in late," my mother said as she finished making lunch.

I grabbed a sandwich and sat down. "I stayed up late," I shrugged.

"Hmm," she replied quietly.

A couple minutes of silence passed before she spoke up.

"So have you met Jasper yet?"

Brief flashes of him ran through my head and the awestruck expression when he saw me.

I swallowed hard and set the sandwich down, appetite completely lost.

"Not officially, no," I said, suddenly quite captivated by the tables wood pattern.

"Oh, well"- she was cut off by the phone ringing. "I'll go get that."

Alone in the kitchen, I got up and put our plates away.

I heard the door open but didn't turn from the dishes. "So, mom I wanted to know if you'd be okay if I went to Port Angeles tomorrow. I've been wanting to get some new books and,"-I turned to see what her reaction was, but my mother wasn't even in the room…

There, where I was sitting not 5 minutes ago, Jasper sat, drinking some water and absently staring at the window that lead to the back yard. I focused my attention back to the dishes, his blank stare deterring me from any kind of eye contact. He didn't look like he was even there—I mean he was there in body—but his mind was somewhere else completely.

After turning off the water and drying my hands off, I held one hand out. "Um, hi. My name Is Bella."

I don't know what I expected…maybe for him to laugh at me, or for him to ignore me, or _something. _But I wasn't expecting him to put his glass of water down, and just stare at me with those dark blue eyes that felt like they were boring into my soul, and then just nod.

That's all…no friendly fake smile, no hand shake and no conversation through signing…nothing…

I awkwardly let my hand fall back to my side, and faked a smile. "Well, I take it your Jasper. I uh, hope you like it here..." I don't even remember exactly what I said. I just went on mumbling, completely lost in his gaze. Although he wasn't smiling, I saw the amusement in his eyes at my expense. But still…not a word.

_Maybe I should stop staring,_ I thought, as Rene walked back into the room.

"Oh good, you two have met," she commented and sat at the table across from him.

"Yeah," I said, taking my eyes off Jasper and shifting my attention to my mom.

"He's one talkative guy," I stated, and saw Jasper smile in the corner of my eye.

Renée, oblivious to just about everything, smiled at that. "Well, that's good that you get along," she chirped happily, turning to Jasper. "Bella will be your guide around here for a while."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. _What the hell kind of conversations do you have with a blank canvas? _

When Renée finally stopped her long speech about Forks to take a breath, I cut in.

"Mom, I've been needing to get some new books and I wanted to know if it was okay if I went to Port Angeles tomorrow." I said. It wasn't really a question. I was old enough to take care of myself, but still I let her feel more like the superior.

"Oh, that'd be great. You should take Jasper with you; show him around."

I tried my best not to look completely terrified. I like to be alone, well…I've become accustomed with being alone. And being with anyone, especially _him, _made me nervous.

"Well don't try to look so excited about it," Rene said sarcastically.

"No, that's not it," I spilled quickly. "…It's just that…I was planning on getting an early start."

I purposely let myself look at him. "Will you be okay with being ready by nine," I asked.

Giving me a completely blank stare, Jasper looked at me and just –you won't believe it- nodded.

Trying not to let my anger show, I excused myself and headed upstairs.

I needed to write…I needed to do anything to get my mind off of how horrible I felt. Obviously he didn't like me. He wouldn't even say one word to me, he hardly looked at me. I never knew I could be so easily hated (great, another person that didn't like me). But maybe it was him. There was something just…strange about him

XoXoXoXoXoXo

I got halfway down the stairs when my mom ran into me.

"Oh Bella, good," she said, handing me a stack of towels. "Can you put these away in the hall closet, give some to Jasper, and then tell him that dinner is ready?"

Knowing that there was no way to get out of it, I sighed and made my way back up the stairs.

I put the towels away as slowly as I could, trying to buy some time. I don't know what it was that made me so uneasy when I was around him. He was so…strange. And _I_ know strange. The only friend I had was my mother. I was a freak at school, everyone seemed to judge me for the things I wore and never gave me a chance.

Closing the cabinet, I made my way to his room. I hesitated for just a moment before I took a deep breath and knocked quietly.

I didn't look up at first when I heard the door open, but then I remembered that he needed to see my lips in order to get the message, so I settled for staring past him at the window inside his room. "Renee wanted me to give you these, and she wanted me to tell you that…" Again, all thought was lost. I looked directly at him and immediately wished I hadn't. Jasper stood there, a whole foot taller than me, his blonde hair a mess, and not wearing a shirt.

Somewhere in my head, I knew I should look away, but I couldn't. My eyes, having there own mind, drifted from his deep blue eyes, to his soft looking lips, to his perfectly sculpted chest, to his….

"_Damn…he's wearing pants…" _I thought to myself as I blushed an unattractive shade of crimson.

My eyes quickly shot back to his. Jasper's face was completely emotionless. He was so hard to read and for some reason it really bugged me.

"She told me to tell you that…." What was it again? "Oh, that dinner is ready."

With a quick nod of his head, I handed him the towels and when his hand brushed my finger tips I felt white hot electricity surge through every vein in my body, lighting me up from head to toe. As I looked back up I saw something completely unexpected…_shock_…I saw pure unadulterated shock written all across his face. _He felt it too_… was my first thought, but then he recovered quickly and closed the door.

My head was still spinning as I walked back into my room and threw myself across the bed in frustration…

_God I hate my life…_

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**AN: Reviews...make us smile...**

**--adding to the noise--**

What's it gonna take  
to slow us down  
to let the silence spin us around?  
What's it gonna take  
to drop this town?  
We've been spinning at the speed of sound.

**TheSantiSuicide**


	3. Breathe today

A/N: hey we have gotten many good reviews so here's a treat…early update…here you go…don't forget to review…

-thesantisuicide

BPOV

I went to bed early that night, but it still didn't stop me from accidentally sleeping in.

"8:56! Shit," I muttered and flew out of bed. I ran into my closet, thankful that I had taken a shower the night before, and grabbed the first outfit I could find.

After changing into my skinny jeans and navy-blue band tee, I grabbed a jacket and quickly checked the mirror to see how horrible my hair was. Happy that for once it stayed tame, I hurried to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs. _I hope he's not ready yet, I hope he's not ready yet…_I kept chanting in my head. I put this on myself really. I hadn't even wanted him to come in the first place…

On the very last step, _luck_ and probably a little karma caught up with me, and I started to tumble over. I braced myself for the impact of hard wooden floor, then all of a sudden there were arms wrapped around me, and oddly enough my entire being felt at home in these strange arms. When I looked up it seemed as if time stopped in that one small second. Dark blue…his eyes…they held me there…at that moment in time he was the still point of my turning world…_Jasper_…

As the blood rushed to my face, his touch once again sent an electric shock through my body… How he got there didn't matter. The fact that I was just seconds away from getting a serious concussion didn't matter. The fact that I was late and he was ready and waiting for me didn't matter…because I was so close…

All too soon, it was over. He released me as quickly as he grabbed me, setting me upright. I tried not to let my disappointment show…but I found that—for some reason—when he let go of me, it physically _hurt_.

"Thanks," I said quietly when he looked back at me, still embarrassed and trying to get over the feeling that had overcome me when we made contact.

With a small nod of his head, we both walked out the door leaving behind no traces of what had just happened.

XoXoXoXo

After about 20 minutes of absolute awkward silence, I really couldn't take it anymore.

I looked at him so he could see my mouth "So, do you like it here?" I said trying desperately to be polite but failing miserably, so in turn I willed my eyes back to the street.

When I didn't get a reply, I let myself look away from the road for a moment to see him looking back at me with a blank stare and a face void of emotion.

"You _do_ speak English…right," I asked, getting somewhat frustrated. Why was he ignoring me? What was it exactly that made me so…_repulsive_ to him? The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. He had no reason…and I really shouldn't care…_Then why did I? _

This time when I looked at him, he had a puzzled expression, but for a second, I could swear I saw humor in his probing eyes…_yes, hilarious, _I thought sarcastically.

"This is going to be a long ride," I sighed and turned on the radio trying to take my mind off him.

_**Third POV**_

Bella stopped in the small parking space by the bookstore and turned off the roaring monstrosity she called her 'dream car'.

Getting out of and following behind Bella, Jasper spotted a music store just across the street.

"Hey Jasper, do you want to go over there? I'll just meet you when I'm done…" Bella suggested in a light tone. Jasper, who didn't even notice her looking at the store, nodded and made his way over.

_So…weird._ Bella thought, as she made her way into the tiny store. She was immediately hit with the smell of new books and the feeling of a thousand stories drifting around her in a never ending pace of themes and theories.

This was _her_ safe place; filled with words and peace. This is the only place she felt accepted, a place where she didn't feel completely alone. For years now, Bella has been hiding herself in those books. Any book she could find. It was her escape, words were her shield, it felt like the only thing she _really had…_ because the books, the words, the knowledge, those things can't leave you…but the people you love _can_, and do. She learned that after her father left. After she was kept prisoner in this lonely, rainy town. After she got completely outcast by practically everyone in her school like a pariah, and the ones who did pay attention to her…those were the ones who only did it to make her even more miserable.

Bella ran her fingers over the binding of the books absentmindedly. After a while she found that her thoughts had taken a turn and she was suddenly thinking of Jasper... His smile, which she only caught glimpses of every once, his strange mood swings that ranged from amused to completely distant, his eyes that said everything and nothing, his gorgeously disheveled hair that tended to get in his face, his lips that looked so…well, maybe that was just a bit too much, she thought, starting to blush. I mean, he _was like family _now. Even though he'd never acknowledged her, that's what he was. He was her _foster brother._ Thinking these things were…wrong. Besides, she thought, it's not like he's shown anything towards me anyway…

So caught up in her own unique mind, Bella didn't hear the boy behind her; didn't hear his quiet, sneer of a laugh until he pushed her up against the hard bookshelf.

"Hey Bells, you miss me," Mike laughed and ran his hand through her hair roughly like a child petting a cat.

Bella swallowed hard and started to panic. This wasn't the fist time Mike had tried something, but there was always witnesses those times, they were usually at school those times, but now she was completely _alone_. As soon as she had this thought she immediately regretted it. _Alone _she had never felt so trapped and secluded in her life. The walls seemed to be closing in as the once peaceful place viciously turned ominous. The air in her lungs turning stale as she stood frozen, like a frail animal who knows they wont find escape of their impending doom.

Trying to act brave, Bella ignored the rough claws that were pinning her down and looked him dead in his eyes.

"How nice to see you…I didn't know you could read. I think what you're looking for is over there though," she said, tilting her head in the direction of the children's section.

Bella's nervous laugh caught in her throat, this was the first time she actually really feared him. All the other times, the pushing, the groping, the rough scratching of her skin…_that _seemed like a walk in the park.

...And this was only the beginning of it...

Bella looked down and caught the shine of a loose razor in mikes hand, when she looked back up she met the eyes of a dangerous and sinister boy who now had the power to end her life. Normally Bella would welcome death and see it as means of an escape from her monotonous and miserable existence, but this time she felt scared for her life. For some reason unknown to her she _wanted_ to breathe today.

"I really wouldn't talk if I were you," Mike threatened, roughly reopening the scratch wounds on her wrist from the last time as he pinned her arms to her sides, he forced her harder against the bookshelf her head banging against the edge with a loud thud, she smelled the rust and salt and immediately recognized it as her flesh opening and seeping the crimson life source.

She winced and swallowed the lump in her throat as closed her eyes trying delay the inevitable flow of tears and vomit.

"You know you want this Bella," Mike breathed, pushing her even harder against the books; its corner dinging farther into Bella's skull, and his razor farther into her bleeding wrist.

Bella whimpered and tried to break free of his vice grip.

"Make one more noise, and you'll regret it," Mike hissed fiercely in her neck.

_Please help me_ was Bella's last thought as Mike's bloody hand slid under her shirt…

JxBxJxBxJxBxJxB

Something's wrong, Jasper felt it. He could feel the ominous tenor hanging in the air threatening to swallow him whole. He always had a way of sensing when something was wrong, but he hadn't felt it this profound in a really long time.

Ignoring the perplexed look the guy at the register gave him, Jasper turned, walking swiftly from the store looking around as his pace increased to a full on jog while making his way to the book store just across the street, avoiding the few curious eyes that followed him.

Not wanting to cause a scene, he slowed his pace as he opened the door and walked in.

After giving the clerk a polite nod and waiting until he was out of her eyesight, Jasper ran through the crowded maze of books searching for something he couldn't quite put his finger on but his conscious was egging him on, farther and farther into the deeper part of the books and then he stopped…

It was hard to make out what he was seeing at first. Too much for him to take in: Bella being trapped by some guy who was rubbing his hands all over her, tears falling down her face, and something smeared down her neck…blood?

Without hesitation, Jasper grabbed the predator by his shoulder, turning him around, and punching him in the face as hard as he could. When the guy was on the found writhing in agony he reached for Bella but she shrank away from his touch, but instead of backing away like a good little solider jasper took her hand and pulled her behind him hurriedly making his way back outside the book store.

Jasper looked over at Bella's slumped over from taking in her bleeding wrist, blood smeared neck, frightful eyes and pale skin, and she looked as if she would collapse at any minute.

Jasper sighed heavily as ran his hand through his hair; he walked over to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door. Bella pulled her sleeves over the wounds on her wrist and continued to eye him curiously, he nodded towards the door and Bella hobbled to his side.

BPOV

When I got to his side I made the mistake of looking into his eyes, they lured me in like lighthouses in the darkest of nights. Those deep blue eyes communicated so much and yet they gave nothing away, when he looked back at me I could see fear and worry clearly written there. I realized that I was staring shamelessly so I looked away in attempt to distract myself before I reached out and held on to him for dear life. I got into the truck carefully and winced as jasper slammed the door closed behind me.

When he got in I gazed warily at him as he brought my truck to life and pushed the engine closer and closer to home. Only one thought was flying through my head …

…_how did he find me?_

A/N: hey guys thank you so much for reading, this story means a lot to us and so do your reviews…so far we have gotten a very positive response and we want you guys to keep reviewing and reading…also we would like to say thank you to all the people who gave constructive criticism…we need it!

_Breathe today _

_You can only move as fast as  
Who's in front of you,  
And if you assume,  
Just like them,  
What good will it do,  
So find out for yourself  
So your ignorance,  
Will stop bleeding through._

_You can breathe today._

_So many lies swarming around you,  
You're suffocating,  
The empty shape in you,  
Steals your breath,  
You're suffocating._

_Logic forces me to believe in this,  
And I have learned to see,  
And I can only say what I've seen and heard,  
And only you can choose,  
And every choice you make will effect you,  
Suit your own self._

_You can breathe today.  
__-Flyleaf_


	4. Something to Believe In

**AN: Hey, guys I wanted to thank you for all the reviews, you're awesome.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter. Also, incase you end up wondering, in this story Jasper and Bella have a conjoined bathroom.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't ours.**

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As we pulled into the driveway I noticed that Renée's car was missing. I breathed a sigh of relief because I wouldn't have to explain what happened to me. Jasper slowly parked the car, being careful of the way he shifted gears. I leaned down to gather the things that had fallen out of my bag when we hit a bump going at Jasper's maniac speeds, well as maniac as one can get driving the forty year old beast that was my truck.

As I reached for the door handle it swung open revealing a very stoic looking Jasper. While trying to get out of the truck I managed to pull on my wounds, sending a searing shock of pain through my body. My knees buckled and I winced, causing Jasper to look down at me and furrow his brow.

"It's nothing," I said, before turning away, trying to escape his critical eye.

He wasn't having it, so he gently took my forearm, leading me towards the front door. He pulled out the key that Renée gave him and stepped inside, pulling me behind him. Once inside he didn't let go of my arm. In fact, he kept pulling me until we got upstairs and stood in front of my bedroom door. He stepped inside, pulling me to the bed where he pushed on my shoulder, indicating that I sit down.

I looked at him with angry eyes and opened my mouth to say something about his behavior, but he put a slim finger on my lips, stopping all words and proper brain function. When I looked up he was walking through my bathroom door to his room. I watched curious and nervous about what was coming next.

Tossing his jacket on his bed, he returned to the bathroom. I saw him take a hand towel from the rack and then wet it under the faucet. He went to the medicine cabinet, grabbed the first aid kit, a bottle of peroxide, and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. After making his way back to my room and placing the supplies on the bed, he kneeled before me. Jasper slowly pushed my jacket off my shoulders, being gentle and precise with his touch, then I hesitantly tossed it towards my computer desk.

He pushed his sleeves up above his forearm just before doing the same with my shirt, revealing my cuts. As Jasper carefully wiped the dried blood from my wrist with the wet towel, I decided to take the time to really _look_ at him. His smoldering eyes seemed even more blue today as they zeroed in on my cuts, and his hair was an adorable mess with some strands hanging lazily in his eyes. My eyes wandered further down to his chest, which was rising and falling with his even breathing. But I tried not to spend too much time on that, so I forced myself to focus on what he was doing. That's when I noticed something…_wrong._ There was a faint mark on his arm; hardly noticeable, but there all the same. I tried to see what it was, but as I leaned to take a closer look, he applied some alcohol to the dry part of the towel and repeated the process of cleaning my cuts. When he did this there was an excruciating sting that took my mind off of everything else. He looked up at my pained face that was now close to tears and then blew on my wrist to relieve some of the burn, as expected his cold breath felt amazing against the burn. After putting the peroxide on, he added Neosporin and then wrapped both my wrists in gauze.

Jasper then stood and sat next to me on the bed. He tilted my head a little to the right and moved my hair out of the way to see the cuts on my neck. I wanted to tell him it was okay; that he didn't have to take care of me, but as I once again felt the sting of alcohol, the pain wiped everything out of my mind. Like he had before, he blew lightly on the cuts to relieve the sting, but this time he got a little closer. Some unexpected and uncontrollable feeling took over right then and all I could think about was how close those lips were to my neck. How he was close enough that I could tell how unbelievably good he smelt. I absentmindedly bit my lip and let a whimper escape. It's not like he could hear it anyway.

Too soon he moved away and gently put a bandage in place.

Taking my wrists in his hands, he looked down at me and ran his thumbs over the fresh gauze. I smiled at the relief I saw in his eyes.

"Thank you," I said.

He nodded.

"I mean for everything. If you hadn't been there I would have come away with far worse damage. That guy, Mike…he likes to do things like that to me, but generally he poses no threat because there are people around. The guy's a nuisance but I can handle him," I finished lamely.

I knew very well that I couldn't handle Mike. I had the marks to show for it, but I didn't need anyone fighting for me. I'm definitely not worth the trouble.

He quirked an eyebrow and gave me an unbelieving look. For a moment we just sat there, my hands still in his, and all I could do was look back into those unfathomable eyes, wondering what he could be thinking. That is, until I remembered my question from earlier on.

"Jasper, in the book store….how did you find me?"

He studied my face for a second and then shook his head. As he stood up and walked towards the door I called his name.

"Jasper!"

Again, I don't know what I expected, but he just walked back through the bathroom door; leaving me in a hurry. As the door slammed I winced and fell back on my bed.

"Damn it…"

Later on when I noticed my mom had yet to come home, I found my –barely used—cell phone in my bag and dialed Renée's number. It rang four times…

_Hello,_

_You have reached Renée Dawyer, I am currently unavailable_

_But there's still hope! Just leave you're name and number and I promise _

_To get back to you ASAP! Bye!_

I rolled my eyes as I shut my phone. I laid back on the bed and tried to figure something out. I was emotionally spent, physically tired and down right hungry_…I guess I can feed myself…_I stumbled around my bedroom trying to find some clothes to change into; eventually settling on a pair of soffies and a black TWLOHA t-shirt that my mom accidently bleached.

I walked downstairs trying to being extra careful at the last step, because if I fell I knew Jasper wouldn't be there to save me_…not three times in one day… _I thought anyway.

When I reached the kitchen I found a note on the counter.

_Dear Bella and Jasper,_

_I will be out for a little while longer than I thought._

_I ran in to Charlotte and we decided that today was perfect for a_

_Girl's day out! Dinner is in the oven. Turn it on high for about thirty minutes._

_There are also cookies in there so be sure to take them out before you heat the food._

_Alright, don't wait up for me, bye._

_Love mom_

I looked over to the clock in the living room…six thirty. As I walked over to the oven to take out the cookies and turn on the food, I realized that I would have to have dinner _alone_ with Jasper. Of all the things that could happen right now this was probably the worst. I mean a thirty minute car ride with him was awkward but what about a full meal, how the hell would that work out?

_Maybe I could just fix dinner and then eat later…nah…I'm way too hungry._

As I sat the cookies on the table and closed the oven I decided that I would just face it like a man, a squeamish, fearful, girly man but a man none the less.

When I walked back upstairs I saw that Jasper's door was slightly ajar. I let my curiosity get the best of me and walked over to the door. What I saw I wasn't ready for, I expected a shirtless Jasper at most, but no…not this. Jasper was there, but he was sleeping. His face the picture of innocence; I couldn't help but walk towards him. After standing there in awe for a while, I finally kneeled at his side and lightly traced the scars that were on his arms. They looked like deep scratches that had healed over and you could only see them in bright light.

"I don't know why you are so hard to figure out, and I don't know why that bothers me. Maybe one day we might be great friends, but right now you make me feel …I don't even know…there aren't words to describe it…wow talk about Alexithymia… I don't know why you blatantly dismiss me. I mean really there are already enough people who don't like me and think I'm a freak, even my own step father…" I whispered the last part.

I was in tears by now and they were starting to fall on Jasper's hand. "I have never felt so alone or used…, that damn Mike and his vile life. Jasper why do people only want to hurt me? Am I not good enough to be loved? Please tell me, so then maybe I can fix it and have the will to live instead of just surviving for Renée…so then maybe I can stop hoping that I will have a serious accident and die," I sobbed.

All of a sudden I heard him whimper and his body shifted slightly, turning him more towards me. I looked at him and saw that a single tear was rolling down his pained face. Instinctively, I lifted my hand to his face and gently wiped the tear away. _He was probably having a bad dream…._

"No Jasper, don't cry for me," I said quietly, pretending that someone really _did_ care about me. "…it's been this way for so long, generally I can deal better than this, because I'm numb…but you…you make me _feel_ and I'm scared shitless about what that means." I laughed at the last part.

"I think it's best I leave now before you wake up, so goodbye then…_brother…" _I leaned down and kissed the place where the tear had fallen._ "Sweet dreams."_

With that I left his room and shut the door gently behind me…

I stood in front of the mirror and wiped away my tears. Surprisingly, I felt better that I told someone my secrets and my deepest feelings. I knew he didn't hear and wouldn't say anything about it…_The ultimate secret keeper…_

I looked at the clock and saw that it was now seven thirty… _shit!_

I rushed down the stairs and into the now smoke filled kitchen, grabbing the oven mitts as I passed the island. I opened the oven and peered through the thick cloud of smoke trying to find the casserole. When I located it, I grabbed it and threw it in the sink. I then turned off the oven and turned the faucet on to put out the smoldering dish. When I had finally put out the flaming casserole I heard the smoke detector go off. I immediately detested the high pitched beeping so I went to open the back door to allow some air circulation, stood up on a stool and fanned the fog away from the annoying device.

I sank down to the floor putting my face in my oven mitt covered hands. Just then Jasper came down the steps in all his bare foot, low hanging jeans, and t-shirt glory. His face was confused as he walked in to the kitchen. Jasper looked down at me and then looked around the kitchen for –what I'm guessing—the source of the rancid smell.

When he reached the sink he raised an eyebrow and looked from the burnt crisp that was supposed to be dinner and then back at me with the same expression.

"Yes, I did it!" I yelled when he looked at me again.

As I snatched off the oven mitts and ran my hands through my hair Jasper extended his hand to me. I eyed his hand cautiously as I took it. He lead me over to the kitchen table and sat me down. When he walked towards the refrigerator I took this time to notice how he walked. It was a graceful, sexy and confidant stride that held a lot of composure to it. It was _absolutely_ _lovely…._ I watched as he pulled out various ingredients and sat them on the counter.

After the hamburger, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes were out, he walked over to the sink, took out the casserole, and broken dish putting it in the trash can under the sink. He proceeded by taking a frying pan down from the hanger above the island and putting it on the burner. Once he had the meat frying, he pulled out the cutting bored and knife. He cut the vegetables with procession that only a chef could obtain from years of experience. With every slice his forearms would flex, showing off his perfectly sculpted arms. Every now and then he would glance up at me with careful eyes, and in reaction I would blush a faint crimson.

When the meat was done he pulled out taco shells from the cupboard and put everything together on a plate and sat it in front of me. I looked up at him, my eyes full of wonder as I smiled, mouthed a 'thank you' and started eating. He sat across from me as he ate and glanced at me to see my reaction to the food. It was more than likely that it was the best meal I had ever had. The silence between us was not _totally_ awkward, but not really that comfortable either. As I got up I took our plates and did the dishes. I said another 'thank you' as I left the kitchen to head back to my room.

I went through my shower and back to my room. I was really tired so I skipped the writing that night and went straight into a deep peaceful sleep, something I hadn't had in such a long time I barely recognized it.

When I heard Renee's voice calling me I sprung from my dark blue ecstasy into immediate alertness and when I sat up I saw my mom sitting at my side with a loving smile on her face

"Hello, beautiful Isabella," she sang.

"Good morning mom."

"It's time…"

I groaned. "Okay, I'll be up in a sec."

"Bella, I'm going to work now. Go wake Jasper and you guys need to make it to school on time, it's his first day and I want it to be a good one…"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Bella I'm serious, I requested that you guys have all the same classes so you can help him if he doesn't understand something, and to translate for him if need be."

"Mom he's deaf not stupid!...but okay I'll help him."

"That's the spirit! I'm leaving bye, love you."

"Bye mom, love you too!" I yelled after her.

I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my hair wasn't a total rats' nest but it definitely wasn't as well behaved as yesterday. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and then opened the other bathroom door that lead to Jasper's room. As I walked in I saw that he was asleep on his side facing away from me. I walked over to the bed and gently stroked his scars, only this time his hand grabbed my wrist, not hard enough to hurt, but just enough to shock me. He rolled on his back and looked at me with questioning eyes and a small hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"Good morning, we have to be at school in fort five minutes, so now would be a good time to get up, get dressed, and grab some breakfast." I said, my eyes wandering to his neck.

He gave a short nod and I walked back through the bathroom to get dressed. I threw on my favorite black skinny jeans, a black long sleeved shirt and a grey vest. I went to the mirror and added my dark eye shadow and black eye liner, grabbed my book bag and was out the door.

Dressing took a bit longer than planned—I don't know why but today I suddenly cared what I looked like—so when I got downstairs I had to settle for a bowl of cereal… _oh joy_.

I was standing at the door, with my keys in hand while waiting for Jasper. I was just about to go look for him but he came down stairs, clad in grey skinny jeans, a white long sleeve shirt and a black band hoodie. He looked almost amazing as he smelled…_almost _…

We sat in the car in another half awkward silence until we got to school…that's when he laughed.

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**AN: Reviews make us write faster :)**

**This chapters title is : Something To Believe In -By Aqualung**

Turn out the light  
And what are you left with?  
Open up my hands  
And find out they're empty.  
Press my face to the ground  
I've gotta find a reason.  
Just scratching around  
For something to believe in:  
Something to believe in.

**-TheSantiSuicide**


	5. Trouble

**AN: Thank you for all the reviews! It really gives us inspiration. Aslo a special thanks to barbiedoll123. You made us feel really special that our moment with Bella brought you to tears.**

**Disclaimer: We aren't Stephenie Meyer because there are two of us...and Stehenie is one person...obviously. **

**This chapter was inspired by the song Trouble by Coldplay.**

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_Last time: We sat in the car in another half awkward silence until we got to school…that's when he laughed._

**_Bella's POV_**

His laugh was a sound so beautiful and melodic I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, his smile was something like seeing the sun rise after the longest and darkest of nights. I looked at him and for some reason seeing him smile made me exceedingly happy. Now the only thing on my mind was:

_Why was he laughing?_

I found my answer when I looked straight ahead and I saw that Mike—sporting a lovely black eye—was getting yelled at by Jessica. Things were starting to get heated, than all of a sudden Jessica drew her hand back and slapped Mike right in the face. I heard Jasper start laughing again but this time I joined in. When they moved away I looked at Jasper with a smile still in place, and he looked back at me with the brightest smile I had seen. We shared a moment of comfortable silence until I looked at the clock.

"Come on Jasper, we have to go to the front office," I said hurriedly.

He nodded, grabbed his back pack and exited the warm comforts that my truck offered. I followed suit and after maybe ten minutes of walking past numbered buildings, we finally reached the one that said 'Front Office'.

I walked up the steps and into the office that was bustling with students and teachers. I saw the long line filled with people whose attitudes ranged from indifferent to pissed; my guess was that they were all there to negotiate grade changes on the latest report cards. I peered around a tall blond to see if the line was moving…_no such luck… _I looked at my watch and saw that we were already twenty minutes late for class…_great!_

I decided that it was now time to work things in my favor. I grabbed Jasper by the hand and pulled him to the front of the line, ignoring the rude comments as I tugged Jasper behind me. When I reached the front desk I looked at Ms. Cope and smiled.

"Hello, Ms. Cope this is the new student Jasper Whitlock, he needs his schedule and a fresh slip for each of his teachers to sign throughout the day."

Ms. Cope peered at me over her glasses. "Well, Miss Swan I received a call from your mother saying that you and-"

She stopped short when she looked at Jasper; her eyes glazed over and her mouth flopped open. As she stared in awe, I glanced at Jasper who looked annoyed and slightly amused. I decided it was time to end this before she drooled on her _lovely purple blouse._

"Jasper, his name is Jasper Whitlock and it would be damn great if he could have his schedule and slip…_please,_" I said, being a smart ass.

"Oh, yes, right," she said as she continued to gaze at Jasper dreamily.

"Also, we will need late slips." I looked at her and saw she was still not moving. "Today!"

She jumped at the volume of my voice and began to shuffle around her messy desk looking for the items I requested. I looked back at Jasper to see he was now staring blankly at the window behind the front office. After she returned from the printer with Jasper's papers, she leaned down to sign our late slip giving us—well me really, seeing as Jasper was looking off into space—a full view of her cleavage. I sighed and rolled my eyes as she righted herself and began to hand Jasper the papers. I took the papers from her hands, not liking the way she was leering at him. _Ugh…that is sick… _

The sun happened to make an appearance as we were walking to our first class, and the golden shining down brilliantly on Jaspers hair illuminated all the different tones of blonde in a way that only I would notice. I smiled brightly at the sight, for the first time I saw jasper in a whole new light—no pun intended—I saw him as beautiful and extraordinarily mystifying instead of strange and despondent.

As we reached the door I looked up at him and smiled weakly, knowing that this would probably suck as much for him as it would for me. "You ready?"

His eyes probed into mine as he shook his head 'no' and then he pulled the door open for me, truthfully neither was I.

When we entered the classroom everything froze in its place, everyone stopped talking, working, walking…hell, I'm pretty sure some even stopped breathing. Everything just stopped. I walked over to the teacher and took a deep breath.

"Good morning, Ms. Stein this is Jasper Whitlock, a new student, he is deaf and I am serving as a translator for him. Here are out late passes and Jaspers slip for you to sign." I recited as I handed her the necessary items.

"Well, this is a surprise! Thank you Miss Swan, you and Jasper take a seat and we will continue with class," she said as her eyes appraised Jasper when she handed him back his slip.

She turned to the class. "Students, this is Jasper Whitlock he is a new deaf student, be sure to make him feel welcome throughout the day!" Ms. Stein said cheerily.

As we walked to the back of the class I could feel every single eye on us. I mean when did it become acceptable to blatantly stare at people? When we took our seats Jasper took his chair and subtly moved it farther away from mine. That was a major blow to my self esteem, but I don't know why. Well, I guess it makes sense that a guy as obscenely gorgeous as himself would not want to be associated with me, I'm nowhere near pretty enough to be grouped with him.

When Ms. Stein spoke again the class paid attention but still kept an eye on Jasper and I. It was really pissing me off the way Jessica and her army of skanks would turn around to leer at Jasper and then glare at me like I did something wrong.

And who the hell did Jessica think she was, just because one decent looking guy comes to our school she thinks he is hers. He is no one's property and I'll be dammed if she thinks that he will be Mike's replacement! She has been a bitch to me ever since Mike started coming on to me, not that she didn't treat me like the scum of the earth before then, but still she has always made it her business to hate me more than anyone else.

I took out my note book and began to doodle on it, trying not to think about anything but my drawing, when I looked up I caught the end of Ms. Steins lecture.

"…Making Edgar Allen Poe one of the greatest gothic authors of the century. You will receive your book, "_Fall of the House of Usher_" tomorrow. It is to be read by Monday, your poems are to be turned in on Wednesday and on Friday I will have selected the person whose poem will be read in front of class. Good afternoon!" She sang the last part as the bell rang.

I reached out and tapped Jaspers shoulder. "The bell rang, it's time for the next class," I signed.

He nodded and grabbed his book bag; as we made our way out the door I noticed that I forgot my note book under the desk. I went back cursing my forgetfulness and concentrating on not tripping due to the ridiculous amounts of loose paper on the floor. When I retrieved my notebook and went back outside I noticed that Jasper was not at the door_…stupid! You didn't tell him you were going back!_

My heart picked up and my head began to spin, as I looked around and saw no trace of him anywhere. I began to jog to my next class hoping he would have just asked for directions to the class printed on his schedule. When as I passed building ten I saw Jessica and her bimbos surrounding something…_or someone._

When I came up on the circle I saw Jessica standing in front of Jasper, she had one hand rested on Jasper's shoulder and the other slowly making its way down her body in a sad effort to be sexy. I looked and saw Jasper's face disgusted and his eyes unmistakably irritated. I decided to break the up the party before Jasper vomited on her. So I reached out and took Jasper's hand, pulling him behind me an attempt to get out of Jessica's vicinity. That's when I felt something yank me backwards by my hair.

"Look who's come to join the party girls," Jessica sneered as she billed me closer to her. "Where the hell do you think you are going, bitch?"

My eyes started to water when I felt another yank on my hair, but then I felt my hair being released. When I turned around I saw a livid Jasper holding Jessica by her wrist.

"Mmm, I like it rough," she said looking at Jasper as he released her.

Jasper grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the circle, I was relieved to say the least when we reached the sidewalk. We stopped and Jasper looked me over as if he were appraising any damage that may have been caused.

"I'm fine, It only hurt so much because my head was still sore from yesterdays encounter," I joked trying to lighten the mood. "Trust me Jasper, I'll be okay," I said willing my eyes to make him believe.

When he looked down at our still clasped hands I blushed, he let go and we continued on our journey to our next class. We made it on time so there weren't hordes of people staring shamelessly at us this time; we went through pretty much the same routine with all the teachers. As we were leaving our last class before lunch I heard Ms. Cope's voice ring out over the PA system:

"Would Jasper Whitlock and Isabella Sawn please report to the office immediately! Thank you."

_Shit! What now? _I thought as we walked to the front office. When I looked up at Jasper but couldn't see anything in his vacant eyes, I tried really hard not to care about his reaction to things but I couldn't seem to resist.

I took a deep breath before we walked in the office and I prayed that this was something quick, painless and simple, but with my luck I knew that it would be none of the above. When Ms. Cope spotted us she sent us straight back to the principal's office. When we walked in, I saw three things at once, one being Jessica Stanley sitting in one of the chairs in front of Mr. Banner's desk, the second being Jessica's mother standing in the corner, and the third being that Mr. banner looked very exasperated.

"Hello Miss Swan, Mr. Whitlock, please have a seat," he said.

I looked at Jasper and signed Mr. Banner's instructions. He complied by sitting in the end chair, leaving me the seat right next to Jessica…_gee thanks Jasper!_

"I called you both here to discuss an incident that occurred right before your last class involving yourself, Mr. Whitlock and Miss Stanley. I would like your account of what happened, Miss Swan."

"Well Mr. Banner it's quite simple you see. Jasper and I were leaving Ms. Steins English class and I noticed I forgot my notebook, I ran back to get it but when I returned Jasper was gone. I looked around and didn't see him, so I figured he must have followed his schedule to our next class. As I was walking I saw Jessica and her ar-_ friends_ surrounding Jasper.

"Now you must understand that Jasper it my responsibility and getting him to class on time is of great importance. When I walked over I saw that Jessica has Jasper in a _compromising_ situation, and Jasper didn't look comfortable. I decided that it was best for Jasper and I to get back to our studies, so I took Jasper's hand and pulled him away but _Jessica _grabbed me by my hair and said some very crude things to me. Jasper saw that she was inflicting pain upon me so he simply intervened," I explained playing the part of example student.

Mr. Banner looked at all three of us. "Well, Miss Stanley informed us that Jasper here was more influential than necessary when he _intervened_. Can you translate that for him?"

I signed Mr. Banner's words and Jasper responded in the same fashion. "Mr. Banner, Jasper said that he only touched her because she was starting to get violent with me. If he did hurt her he is sorry and that Jessica should learn to keep her hands to herself."

That's when Mrs. Stanley jumped in. "I will not have my daughter being man handled like some common prostitute. Mr. Banner I want justice, he cannot go without penalty for this _vile _act!" she shrilled.

That's when I lost it "Jesus Christ on a fucking cracker woman! You make it seem as if he grabbed her and stole her virtue or something—now if you want to punish someone for that vile act I can give you a full list of names—he was simply protecting me!"

"You little bitch!" Jessica shouted.

"Listen to me you little sleaze, I will not have you defiling my daughter like that and the same goes for that other reject over there!" she pointed at Jasper.

"Enough! This is a school not an episode of Jerry Springer, Now Mrs. Stanly you will act respectfully to the children or you _will_ leave. Do you understand me?" Mr. Banner said severely.

Mrs. Stanley glared at him and took a seat. "Now, all three of you will serve detention this weekend and the next, violence is _not _something I am going to tolerate," he said sternly. "As for you Mrs. Stanley you need to apologize to Mr. Whitlock and Miss Swan."

She looked at us and narrowed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she spat.

"Now, all three of you are excused. I will have your detention slips delivered to your next class period," he finished.

We all left and made our way to lunch, Jasper stopped at the bathroom and I decided I would wait. As I leaned against a locker Jessica approached me.

"You listen and you listen well, Jasper is _mine_… You better not touch, or even think about being near him! I mean it, if you don't take note of this warning I_ promise_ that you will regret it," she hissed.

Just then Jasper came out and Jessica smiled at him as she stepped away from me. Jasper noticed how mad I looked and raised an eyebrow. I just ignored him—like he had done to me so many times— and started walking to the cafeteria.

With only fifteen minutes left in lunch I grabbed a coke and an apple, taking my seat at the table in the farthest corner while Jasper sat, staring at the empty space in front of him. I put my bag down and tried futilely to open my coke, then without asking Jasper took the bottle and in one smooth motion opened it. I reached out for the bottle, but instead of handing it back to me, he put it to his lips and smiled sexily before taking a drink.

When he handed it back to me I put the bottle carefully to my lips and did the same, now technically speaking, Jasper and I shared a kiss via coke bottle. I would forever remember this as the day that I kissed my foster brother.

When the bell rang, I touched Jasper's hand and mouthed "time to go", he nodded and we exited the cafeteria. The rest of the day went smoothly, I received a satisfying grade on my Biology exam and Ms. Cope delivered our detention slips to us as promised. In PE I 'accidently' hit Lauren—one of Jessica's army of skanks—in the head with a dodge ball, but then I fell and nearly broke my nose, so I guess Karma was making its rounds.

On the ride home I noticed Jasper writing in a spiral bound notebook that had lovely art work on the cover. I decided not to try for conversation and just settled for the comfortable silence. At home Renée was as cheery as usual, but when I explained the day's events to her at the dinner table she was absolutely livid, to say the least.

After my shower I decided that today was something to write about, but surprisingly the first thing I wrote down in my journal wasn't how much I wished Jessica would disappear from the face of the earth nor was it about hitting Lauren in the head during PE. Nah, the first thing I wrote about was how Jasper tasted… fiery, erotic and perfectly sweet…_figures._

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**--Trouble By Coldplay--**

O no, what's this?  
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,  
So I turn to run,  
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,  
I never meant to do you wrong,  
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,  
And oh no, I never meant to do you harm

**The more reviews we get, the more Jasper Bella fluff you get...deal? lol.**

**-TheSantiSuicide**


	6. You Be The Anchor

**AN: I would just like to thank all of you awesome people that got us to 100 reviews! Thank you so much! This chapter wasn't very long, but the next one will be. Again, thank you, and enjoy.**

**This chapter's title is: You be the Anchor that Keeps my Feet on the Ground by Mayday Parade. **

**Diclaimer: Characters aren't ours, but the story line is :)**

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The rest of the week went by in a very leisurely and monotonous manner. The only things worth remembering were the way in which Jasper would react to the new things he encountered everyday. Like on Tuesday when he opted to try the cafeteria food, I started laughing even before he made the disgusted face and threw the rest of the food away. Or on Thursday when we had to run a torturous and lengthy mile and he stayed a steady pace with me every now and then I would catch him watching me from the corner of his eye, making me blush and trip over my own feet.

For some reason I felt that today would be different. Especially since this would be the first weekend that Jasper and I would be alone. But he didn't know about that yet.

That was the first thought in my head as I woke up on Friday. Rolling over, I sleepily squinted to look at the clock, that is, until I saw what time it was.

"Shit, I slept in again!" I grumbled as I threw off the covers and ran through the bathroom and into Jasper's room.

When I walked into Jasper's room I wasn't prepared for what I saw. There he was in all his silent glory, his eyes closed showing off his pale lavender dusted lids, a small smirk playing on his soft lips. As my eyes wandered down his perfectly smooth chest down to the covers just below his lovely hip bones I realized I was a little disappointed that I had to ruin his peaceful sleep, I quickly shrugged it off and gently nudged him awake.

"Jasper, we slept in late. School starts in 10 minutes," I explained quickly once his eyes were open.

He looked me over for a second, and his confused expression slowly turned into a grin as he, clearly, tried not to laugh.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering what his sudden change in mood was, until I realized that he was looking at my head…and I didn't even remember to check the mirror before I came in.

I also noticed that I never bothered to take my hands off of his torso after I woke him up, I felt my face begin to redden as I quickly crossed my arms, giving him a face that clearly said, "I'm not amused". I turned on my heel and went through the bathroom to my room

"We can't all look like as great as you when we wake up," I muttered going to get dressed.

I got as dressed as quickly as I could, grabbing the first thing I saw in my closet. I ended up running to the car in a dark blue long sleeve shirt, a snug pair of skinny jeans, and my hair thrown in a ponytail—Jasper was right to laugh—it looked horrible.

When I reached my truck I saw that Jasper was already there looking sinfully delicious clad in a button down black dress shirt, black skinny jeans, a pair of checkered black and gray vans, and his hair was perfectly messy in a way that made me want to run my hands through it. I never thought I'd feel this strange mixture of being enticed and tempted along with feeling very insignificant and plain as I did when standing next to him.

As I sped to school I noticed that this week's weather was considerably warmer than it usually was in Forks. There was still a chill in the air, but the sun was out and to the kids of Forks High, this was like a hot summer's day. I dreaded that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the sun this weekend because I'd be stuck in detention.

Once we got to school, I hopped out of the car and Jasper and I practically ran to our first period.

Right as we entered the classroom, the last bell rang. Ms. Stein shot us a glare as she finished her sentence about our new English project.

When Jasper and I took a seat, I noticed that he moved his chair away from me again. _Wow, the day just keeps getting better_. I thought as I pulled out the book she had just given us and started reading.

The class went by astonishingly fast I thought as the bell rang, I quickly tapped Jasper's arm, telling him it was time to go. He nodded, and this time I made sure I didn't forget anything in the classroom.

We got to the rest of our classes on time so on our way to lunch I told Jasper I needed to go to my locker; he simply nodded and followed me down the hallways.

When I was almost there when Jessica rounded the corner and bumped right into me, sending my bag and all its contents onto the ground.

"Watch where you're going bitch," Jessica screeched as she kicked my things. I decided against beating her ass right now, besides, I didn't need to get into more trouble. I couldn't even imagine how Renée would react if I came home with a suspension. So I tried to control my anger as I bent down to pick up my things.

"Hey, Jasper. You want to ditch this _trash_ and come with me?" She gave a "seductive" smile as she ran her slutty hand down Jasper's arm.

Seeing her touch him made me angry, but for some reason, the thought of him leaving me made my heart ache in an unexplainably painful way.

Jasper gave her an appalled face and shook her hand off of him. He nudged her out of the way with his shoulder, making her scowl at me before stomping away, and he bent down to help me with my things.

"You don't have to help me," I said quietly when he picked my things up and looked at me.

He stood up, still holding my things, and held out his hand for me. I looked at it cautiously for a second, before taking hold of it and stood up, staring up at him.

We stayed like that for a moment, just getting lost in each others eyes, our hands still clasped. And for a moment I felt like I could breathe, it felt like no one else existed, for a moment everything stopped, everything found its place, and we were just there. I felt gravity's pull starting to move us closer to each other.

I saw Jasper's eyes change suddenly, conflict running deep within the blue depths until I felt his hand start to loosen from mine and he abruptly turned away from me, walking the rest of the way to my locker.

I blushed and suppressed a sigh as I followed after him. He didn't look at me after that, he just leaned against his locker—which was next to mine—and politely held out my books for me to put away. I smiled sadly and gathered my things for my next classes. When I turned back to him, Jasper was looking at me with a blank expression. And for the millionth time I just wished I could know what was going on in his head when he looked at me like that.

I didn't try to say anything though, just embraced the silence as turned away from him, making my way to the cafeteria, and knowing that he was following.

When we got there, most of the line was gone so the wait wasn't long. I grabbed a pizza and a coke, Jasper on the other hand got nothing as usual.

I sat at the end of the table in the corner, but this time Jasper came and sat right across from me.

I tried not to take it into account and make a big deal, but my heart was too busy pounding to let me. I took a sip of my coke and tried to look away but I could feel Jasper's gaze on my face.

I sighed and decided to get it over with…whatever "it" was, and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Yes?" I asked, a little rudely, not that he could actually tell.

He raised an eyebrow and looked me over for a moment more. I felt so defenseless under his intense stare so I tried to look away, but I couldn't. He suddenly held up his hands and took me off guard by asking a question.

_Don't you have any friends?_ he signed.

This was the first time he had tried to engage in a conversation with me, and I was a little more than surprised, but more so from his question than him "conversing" with me.

I opened my mouth to argue with the question, but there was no point.

"No…no I don't," I said lamely. He raised an eyebrow and waited for me to elaborate on that.

"No one really likes me to be completely honest. I'm not really sure why but I'm more friends with my mom than I am anyone else," I said shrugging as I went to take a bite of my pizza.

_Where's your dad,_ he asked next.

This wasn't something I wanted to talk about now, and especially not where we were.

"Where's yours," I asked him back, knowing he most likely wouldn't respond either. He simply raised an eyebrow, but I saw a smile pulling on the side of his mouth.

I smiled back and took another drink of my coke. "Why don't you ever eat here," I asked, happy that we actually seemed to be on speaking terms.

He looked amused as he raised an eyebrow and stole my pizza off my plate, taking a big bite from it. I stared mouth open in shock as he chewed and swallowed.

He shrugged. _It's gross,_ he signed.

I simply rolled my eyes and was about to say something, but the bell rang.

"It's time to go, Jasper," I said. He just nodded and grabbed his stuff.

When school was over we headed back to my truck, only this time Jasper held his hand out for my keys. I automatically shook my head no, but then when I tried to move to the driver's side he just moved in front of me and crossed his arms

"Fine," I muttered through my teeth as I threw the keys at him.

He drove at an extreme speed so by the time we reached home my hands was sore from holding my seatbelt so tightly.

When we walked in Renée was running around the house in a whirlwind as she usually did right before she left on her weekend trips to Seattle. She saw us standing in the foyer and smiled.

"Hello darlings, I was just getting ready to leave," she said as she hugged each of us.

"Bella did you tell Jasper about my trips?"

"No, I thought you were going to do it!" I squealed.

Renée sighed and rolled her eyes at me. "Jasper, on the weekends I drive up to Seattle for work, I leave on Fridays and come back late on Sunday nights. I took last weekend off because we were awaiting your arrival, but now that you are all settled in, the show must go on," she signed at Jasper.

"Have a safe trip," he signed back at her.

About half an hour later Renée got her bags and left. When dinner time came around Jasper heated the food Renée left for us, saying that I could no longer be trusted in the kitchen. I scowled at him, making a promise to myself that I would prove him wrong _very_ soon.

After dinner I retreated to my room to continue reading so I could write my poem for English class and get it over with.

Hours later I drifted off to sleep, dreaming in shades of blue.

* * *

**AN: Next chapter will be full of fun, so if you want to see it faster, review away! **

**--You be the Anchor that Keeps my Feet on the Ground by Mayday Parade--**

So let me think of how to word it  
Is it too soon to say 'perfect'?  
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere  
I'm sure everything would find me  
All that's left is just to sing

Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

**-TheSantiSuicide**


	7. We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands

**AN: For those of you have been wondering, Jasper has not spoken. He is always signing no matter what it says.**

**Thank you for all the reviews you guys are great.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight or any of the characters. Nope, they are all Stephenie Meyer's.**

**This Chapter's title was influenced by the song: We've got a Big Mess on our Hands by The Acadmy Is...  
And if you don't kow them, you should seriously be ashamed. lol. **

* * *

I set the alarm clock exceedingly early to make sure I woke up and got to school on time. I was no morning person, so when the alarm clock went off at the ungodly hour of six o'clock am I was incredibly grumpy. Not to mention the fact that the only reason I was awake was to serve an unfair punishment at school, where I'd be locked up for ten hours with the evil skank who got me into this mess.

Well, maybe I was being a slightly self-centered. I mean, I wasn't the only one who got the shitty end of the deal here. Jasper had to suffer with me, so I guess it wasn't _that_ bad.

This time before I went to wake Jasper up, I made sure to check my hair, splash some water on my face, and brush my teeth. So by the time I got to his room I was fully awake and practically ready. I quietly walked over to his room and noticed that his door was slightly open. I pushed it just a little more and peaked inside. I thought he'd just be asleep, I mean I wasn't expecting much, but when I looked into his room he was standing with his back to me, pulling his shirt up over his head.

I meant to just walk away, I actually really did try, but my feet seemed to be stuck in place as I watched the muscles of his back move just underneath his smooth looking skin. I also noticed a few more scars, deep looking scrapes across his back. A strange feeling took over at that point, and I just wanted to run my fingers along his scars, and then put my lips to them, to just kiss them away.

Jasper's movements tensed for a moment, and I thought I was caught, but he just shook his head and pulled a different shirt on. I unknowingly moaned at the amount of skin, and immediately bit my lip. I shouldn't have been thinking that way, and especially about Jasper. I was pulled out of my reverie as I suddenly noticed Jasper's pants being loosened around his hips. This time I desperately made myself move away from his door and went back into my room. I closed the door behind me and slumped against it.

_What a fantastic start to what I had imagined would be an atrocious day_, I thought sarcastically.

When I was fully clad in my written on, abused All Star Converse, a plain black long sleeve shirt with white stitching, and some black skinny jeans, I ran my brush through my hair—which happened to be tame today—and continued downstairs.

Jasper was already there, leaning on the banister at the very bottom step and twirling my car keys around his finger.

I raised my eyebrows at him and tried to walk down the steps without tumbling over him.

_What are you doing up so early, _I signed as I tried to pull the keys out of his hand.

He simply held them higher in the air and ignored my question, asking one of his own.

_Are you hungry? _He signed back with his free hand.

Right then my stomach decided to answer the question and it growled. I looked down and for once I was shockingly thankful Jasper was deaf. That could have been embarrassing.

When I looked back up at him, his mouth was pulled into an adorable crooked smile and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

"Yes, okay? Yes I'm hungry," I said.

He just nodded and turned towards the door holding it open and nodding in the direction of the car.

I sighed and on the way out I once again tried to make a grab for the keys, only to have him holding them above his head again while he chuckled.

"Damn giant…and morning person too? God, what's next?" I grumbled as I made my way to the passenger side of the truck.

XOXOXO

"Holy crow! Is it this necessary to abuse my car with your ridiculous speeds," I asked Jasper-well myself really, seeing as he can't hear, and his eyes, were on the road-as I held onto the seat beneath me. We got to the only restaurant in Forks, on record time and went inside.

"I can't believe this place is actually open this early," I whispered, looking at Jasper. He just shrugged and looked around.

Just then a girl maybe a year older than me, with unnaturally blonde hair came up to us, well Jasper, and asked for us to follow her to our table. When we were seated, "Katie", she said her name was, pointedly only looked at Jasper as she told us the specials and asked what we'd like to drink.

The way she looked at him made me sick and I couldn't believe this was happening…or that I was feeling this way at all.

After she was done babbling, Jasper just looked to me with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, um…" I just picked the first thing I saw on the menu and a coke to drink. When I was done, Jasper suddenly held up two fingers, indicating that he wanted the same thing, and Katie made a rude face at me before writing it down and walking away.

"I can't believe we have detention today," I said to Jasper and cupped my face in my hands as I leaned on the table. "I've never gotten detention my whole life."

Jasper just laughed and looked at me, unbelievingly.

"Okay, fine. Maybe once before…in kindergarten. But that freaking kid cut me in line to go on the swings! Of course I was going to knock him off, it's what anyone would do!...I don't regret it…" That started Jasper on a whole new round of laughing, only this time I joined in, how could you not react to a sound that beautiful. It was impossible.

Just then the waitress came back with our drinks. She didn't bother with conversation this time, just put our things down and walked away.

The rest of breakfast went by far too quickly. It was silent for the most part, but in a comfortable and safe way. For once the silence didn't break me; Jasper just made everything much calmer.

As we finished up our food, I looked up at the clock on the wall and saw how much time went by.

"Damn it! Jasper, come on, we're going to be late…again."

We got up just as Katie was coming back with the check. Jasper handed her the money, started to walk out, and I followed behind him.

Again, Jasper's maniac speeds got us to school in half the time it would take a normal driver, so we reached the library just as the last bell rang.

"Miss Swan, Mr. Whitlock, glad you decided to _grace_ us with your presence," Mr. Banner said in a voice full of rude sarcasm.

We both turned and saw him seated at the front of the library, in the huge wooden librarian desk.

"Have a seat."

I looked to Jasper and signed what he said. As we went to take a seat at the tables in the library, I notice Jessica in the front, doing her make-up.

"Please tell Jasper to take a seat right there," Mr. Banner said, pointing to one of the tables in the middle. "And you sit there," he said, pointing to the table at the very back.

I nodded and did as he said, signing to Jasper where to sit, and taking my spot at the table next to him.

I noticed that we were all sitting in angles that faced each other, and I knew that if I seriously had to look at Jessica for too long, I'd be sick.

"So…" Mr. Banner started. "You've all been acting appallingly childlike and it's time you all start behaving like adults. Because of your juvenile decision ethics not only have you just ruined any plans I may have made this weekend, but you've also ruined yours.

"You all have ten hours to think about what you have done today, plus another ten hours next Saturday. At the end of today I want a thesis written on the foundations of good decision making.

"There is absolutely no talking, no sleeping, no breathing and no leaving here until five o'clock pm today. Until then, if I hear so much as a sneeze from any of you there will be severe consequences. I'm going to be doing work in my office and I'll be checking up on you all soon enough."

With those last words Mr. Banner took his exit, leaving us all to become casualties of excessive boredom.

* * *

**--We've got a Big Mess On Our Hands By The Academy Is...--**

I've got that lefty curse  
Where everything that I do is flipped  
and awkwardly reversed  
You're seldom known and barely missed  
I always put myself  
in destructive situations  
I need oxygen  
to be exposed where no one goes  
Where no one's been  
When it all comes crashing...

**I want to thank you all again for your support, the next chapter will be up soon.**

**-TheSantiSuicide**

**PS...review if you love Jasper bb.**


	8. After Hours

**AN: Thank you again for reviews but there are a couple of things I'd like to say.  
1. As I stated in the beginning, this is an AU story, and most importantly 2. They are OOC. Sometimes they are, and sometimes they're not, it just depends. **

**Anyway, back to business. This chapter was inspired by the song "After Hours" by We Are Scientists. **

**Disclaimer: This never happened in any of the books, and we are certainly not Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

It seemed like forever and I must have found a thousand different ways to sit in one chair. Hour by hour it changed; one hour I found myself actually just lying on the table, but not without having Jessica yell that she'd snitch on me five minutes later. So much for not talking…

This was the most unfair punishment ever. Even if I did do something, no one should have to sit through this…hell, and apparently there were six more hours to go.

_Oh joy… _

After the millionth time of me playing over the last couple of days over in my head, I decided that I should just start writing my paper for something to do…and to get it over with.

_Good decision making…_

As I mulled the topic over my train of thought, I was cut off by Jessica's nasally voice.

Just like every other half hour, Jessica tried to get Jasper's attention, and like every other time, he didn't even acknowledge her.

No, he was too busy writing in his notebook to notice what she was doing.

"Jasper, Jasper!" I rolled my eyes.

"Have you forgotten the fact that he is deaf?" I said, only half joking.

She turned her narrowed eyes to me. "I don't think I was talking to you."

I just shrugged, ignoring her lack of common sense and went to writing again.

I heard her exasperated sigh, as she complained. "I'm bored!"

I just really wanted to tell her to close her nasty little mouth, but I resisted. I couldn't write, I could barely think, so I turned my attention to Jasper instead.

_He's an excellent distraction_, I thought.

Jasper was sitting a couple tables away; he was faced towards me, but was too focused on whatever he was doing to notice me staring.

The sleeves of his shirt were pushed up to his forearm and his golden hair was hanging slightly in his face, just tempting me to move it for him. I noticed his foot absentmindedly tapping, making me smile.

I found myself thinking about how his moods changed all the time. He was so mystifying, one moment it seems like he is about to say something, or do something, and a second later he runs off seeming angry. At me or himself, I'm not sure, and I think that's what made him so hard to read.

Just as my last thought left my mind I was met with a pair of dark blue eyes. There was a sexy smile forming on Jasper's lips when he caught me staring and I felt my face start to go red as I tried to look away as fast as I could. Which led me to look at what Jessica was doing; I mean I hadn't heard her complain in more than five minutes, that's got to be some record.

When I saw her I almost laughed out loud. Jessica was sleeping with her head down on the desk, drooling. I felt like I should capture this fulfilling memory on film, but decided against stooping down to her level.

I let my eyes wander around the library, mostly trying to stall from having to look at Jasper again. It was actually large compared to the other buildings of the small school, but they could hardly say they had a collection.

There were shelves and sections everywhere, but only a select few books here and there, scattered and most likely out of place. _Well that would explain why they mostly use this place for detention._

For lack of anything to really look at in the practically empty library my eyes ventured back to Jasper, I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that he was back to looking down at his notebook.

I noticed that he looked anguished though. His mouth was pulled into a slight frown and I could see his eyebrows furrowed. I felt myself getting aggravated that I couldn't figure him out.

Acting on impulse, I ripped a sheet of paper out of my binder and grabbed a pen.

_Are you alright?_

I folded the paper up, feeling like a third grader, and did my best to aim right at him. Of course my "right at him" ended up landing two feet away from him on the floor…which for me was actually pretty good.

Having seen the movement, Jasper looked up from the table, gazing at me with questioning eyes. I only nodded to the note, making him lean over to retrieve it. As he did though, my eyes seemed to focus on the bottom of his shirt which slowly rode up, and his low rising jeans revealing his smooth looking stomach and teasing hipbones as he leaned. I bit my lip, cursing myself for noticing and reacting so strongly to it…_to him_.

After opening the note and reading it, he looked up with confused eyes.

I raised my eyebrows in question, and his expression turned slightly amused as he smiled, wrote back, and threw it perfectly in front of me.

As I opened the note, muttering about his showing off I noticed it was almost embarrassing seeing his perfect penmanship next to my sloppy scrawl. I tried to ignore it for the most part as I read what he wrote.

"_Yes, I'm fine…why do you ask? Do I not look alright?"_

When I looked back up at him he was smiling slyly at me and tapping his pen on the desk. I felt myself blush again as I wrote him back. It was silly that we were doing this when we could just sign across the room, but where was the fun in that?

I wondered where his sudden confidence came from…not that he shouldn't have any. Someone that—I looked him over again—perfect should be confident in themselves.

"_No, you look-",_ I thought of what I could say, 'You look absolutely amazing', just didn't say, "foster-sister of the year"…

"_No, you look fine. I was just asking."_

"_So, how is_,-" Again, what could I say? 'How is your detention going?' 'How is your second weekend of living in boring Forks, Washington going?'…yeah, just…we'll just scratch that.

"_So, what are you doing?" _I settled on asking. As I threw the paper back at him I stifled a laugh because my aim—for once was right on—hit him right in the head.

He gave me an un-amused look as he slowly opened the note and read it.

He tilted his head for a second, just looking at it, before he started writing.

After a moment he looked back up at me, I gave him a small smile, and looked back down at the table.

Almost right away, a paper landed right in front of my eyes. I opened it, eager to see what he said, and read it.

"_Nothing of importance. _

_Hey, let's get out of here for while. _

_You never did give me an official tour of the school."_

I had to read it over another time to make sure I read it right. _Was he serious?_ _Did he have any idea how much trouble we'd get in if we got caught?_

Just when I was about to write back and ask him if he was crazy, I looked up and he was standing right beside me.

"Jasper! Don't sneak up on me like that!" I yelped, immediately wincing at how loud it came out. I looked over to make sure Jessica was still asleep.

When I saw that she was, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked back up to Jasper, who was towering over me. He quirked an eyebrow and gave me a crooked smile, I felt my heart skip a beat as I took in this sight. I just couldn't help the reactions and emotions he brought out of me.

Suddenly forgetting every reason why I knew we shouldn't leave, I stood up and walked towards the open door where Jasper was waiting for me.

As reached the door way I eyed him warily.

_Jasper, what if we get caught?_ I signed. My eyes full of worry.

He just smiled at me, almost cocky as he signed back.

_Do you really think I'd get you into trouble, Bella? _When he saw that I still didn't look convinced, his eyes softened and he smiled reassuringly.

_If you wish to stay here, we will. It just seemed like you were bored…_He signed again.

I thought about another six hours of sitting in the same exact place and almost shuddered at the idea. Besides…getting to know Jasper a little more couldn't hurt…

I took a deep breath and looked up to Jasper. "Let's go."

Sneaking out of the library and walking around the campus was a lot easier than I imagined, although I did find that my sudden act of rebellion left me with a rush of adrenaline in my veins. My steps were a lot faster and although it felt like I was practically speed walking along the sidewalk, Jasper kept a steady pace with me.

_Where do you want to go first?_ I signed to Jasper, trying to think if there even was a slightly interesting place in this school. Due to the lack of criminal activities and thefts, there were a majority of doors and classes left unlocked yet I couldn't think of anywhere to go.

Mr. Emotionless just shrugged and kept walking. "You're just _too_ helpful," I muttered as I found myself walking towards the gym.

Once we reached the door, we quickly looked around; making sure no one was coming, and went inside. Jasper turned and walked up to the very top of the bleachers. I followed quietly behind him, being careful and looking down to make sure I didn't fall.

As I took a seat beside Jasper on the very uncomfortable bench, I leaned against the back wall and sighed, my adrenaline rush starting to wear off.

_So…what now? _I signed to Jasper when he looked at me.

He mimicked my position, resting his head against the wall, and thought for a moment.

Without looking at me, he answered my question.

_I don't know…talk? _He signed and tilted his head to look at me.

I felt my eyes widen in surprise at his suggestion. _The person that is always so reserved actually wanted to talk…and to me?_

"Okay," I said; a small smile forming on my lips. "What do you want to talk about?"

He looked me over for a second, and I felt my face start to heat up as his endless eyes looked into mine. We stayed like that for a moment more, before he suddenly got a sly look in his eyes and smiled.

He simply pointed one finger at me and it took me a minute to register why.

"Me?" I asked nervously.

He just gave me an impish smile and shrugged, waiting for me to begin.

"Umm, okay, well let's see…" There was really nothing special to say, so I just went with the usual routine.

"I'm 17. I've always lived in Forks. My parents divorced when I was three and I stayed with my mom. My dad…Charlie, left but never stopped loving her…" My mind suddenly started to blank as I remembered.

"But now she's with Phil, my 'stepfather'." I felt, rather than heard, the depression sink into my voice and I quickly tried to change the subject.

"He travels a lot though, so we don't see him much. I take care of her more than she does me. But I love her, she's my best friend.

Anyway, I like to read, I'm not very outgoing. As you can see I've had some problems with some of the other people here…" I really couldn't think of anything else to say to him. I've kept so many things to myself, and even though there was just _something_ about Jasper that made me feel safe, made me feel that it'd be okay to tell him the one thing that cast shadows into my life every day, I just couldn't…not _yet._

I suddenly felt slim, slightly cold fingers under my chin. Jasper tilted my head up to look at him, asking if I was okay with his eyes.

**_JPOV_**

Her eyes were filled with the deepest kind of pain. Even though I felt her right here next to me, I could tell that she was so far away. Her skin felt so warm beneath my chilled hands and I longed to have this feeling always, but as I looked into her deep brown eyes I knew it could never happen.

_**BPOV**_

"Yes, I'm fine." I lied, giving him a smile that didn't reach my eyes.

For a minute he just looked me over, and then it dawned on me that his fingers were just lingering on my skin. He must have noticed too, because not a second later he was standing up, looking down at me with a peculiar expression in his eyes.

_Come on…what else is there to see around here?_ Jasper signed, looking around somewhat awkwardly.

I thought for a moment, and then it hit me. With a smile on my face, I stood up next to him, absentmindedly grabbed his hand, and started down the bleacher steps.

This time, I wasn't so lucky though, and found myself start to fall down on the very bottom step. Just like he had before, Jasper wrapped his arms around me, steadying me and helping me up straight, before quickly letting me go. Shaking his head, as if in disappointment, he walked over to the exit of the gym, looked around and held it open for me.

I tried to ignore the feeling of rejection as I snuck out of the gym and led him to the one place I knew he would love.

_The pool?_ Jasper asked, raising one eyebrow as we got to the indoor swimming area. I just shook my head, walking farther into the room knowing Jasper would follow me. This was just a short cut to where we were actually going, but I might as well enjoy it…

When we got to the very middle, I stopped and looked into the clear blue water. Everything was quiet, calm, and serene; for a moment I forgot why I was here in the first place.

I bent down to the water's edge and touched my hand to it. Watching as the water rippled and spread throughout the entire pool. Smiling, I stood back up and looked to Jasper. He was a lot closer to me than I had thought and on instinct I took a step back, only to remember that there was really no place _to step._ Jasper reached a hand out and steadied me, but after a second he got a certain glint in his eyes and half of his mouth pulled into a grin.

My eyes widened as I felt his hands slide up to hold my shoulders.

"You wouldn't." I breathed, and before I knew it he pushed me. As my hands searched for something to hold on to, I managed to get a hold of the front of his shirt and the last thing I saw were his surprised blue eyes before he was falling in right on top of me.

We landed with a splash and when I felt myself being enveloped in the water I forced myself to open my eyes. Jasper was there, right across from me, floating gracefully his eyes still barely registering what happened. As he finally got a hold of himself he grabbed me by my waist and brought us up to the top of the water.

When we dragged ourselves back to the side of the pool we laid flat on our backs, gasping for air as I looked up at him, he looked at me... and we laughed. It was great seeing him so care free. Suddenly when I realized how close I was to him right then I laughed a little more nervously as we both pulled ourselves upright.

"Come on." I waved as we walked over to the other side of the room, still wringing out our soaked clothing.

On the other end of the Pool Area, there was a door which had stairs that led to the Garden on the roof. I walked up the staircase, finally coming to the Garden door and opened it. When we stepped into the room, I tuned to Jasper, watching his awed expression as he walked around, looking out of the glass windows surrounding the room's walls.

I briefly wondered why I hadn't thought of going to this place in the beginning. Maybe it was because it was _my_ place. Well others knew about it obviously, but overall it was my getaway. I think actually showing someone else, letting someone else in, scared me a bit. But watching Jasper, as he looked around, I knew I would be okay; there was something about him that told me he wouldn't hurt me.

Right then, he turned around. Still fully wet, clothes clinging to his body, water dripping off of him, and he smiled at me. And that was it…perfection.

We stayed there for an immeasurable amount of time. Just enjoying each other's company, only making conversation every once in a while.

_Favorite color?_ He signed, going on with the random questions that he would come up with.

"Hmmm," I thought. "I don't really have a favorite color…it changes from day to day." I signed back, hoping that my answer would suffice and of course it didn't.

_What's your favorite color today then?_ He rephrased, smiling.

"Blue," I said. Realizing how fast I'd answered, and why I had said blue, my eyes widen a little and felt myself turning red. I looked away, because until right then, my 'color of the day' had been green. But it was impossible to look into Jasper's eyes and _not_ realize the reasoning behind my sudden change.

When I finally dared myself to look back at him, he wasn't even looking me. He was watching something over my head; I turned to see what it was and spotted the clock on the wall.

"Come on we should go" I said quickly to Jasper once I got his attention. He nodded and together we walked out of the room, down the stairs, and out into the cold Forks air.

We walked along the hallways to get back to the library, laughing when Jasper decided to dry off his still dripping wet hair by shaking his head towards me. I squealed and pushed him away from me, and that's when I heard the sound…. footsteps.

As much as I hated to end the melodic sound, I stopped, pushed Jasper against the wall and put a finger over his soft lips. His eyes widened in confusion and I mouthed for him to be quiet as I peaked around the corner. Just like I had feared, Mr. Banner was there, walking—more like strolling—down the hallway whilst whistling to himself. The library was on the complete opposite side of the school and he was headed our way.

Trying to think quickly, I turned back to confused Jasper and mouthed "Mr. Banner's coming!"

I turned back once more to see where the principle was now; as I turned to warn Jasper he was gone.

Silently screaming, I quietly ran down the hallway and around the corner, only to see that it too was completely empty.

Freezing and still very wet, I turned the corner and tried to escape the sound of whistling. I kept running, turning back only for a second to see if Mr. Banner was coming, and all the sudden felt myself being pulled to the side.

With my eyes closed, I was about to scream when I felt a cold hand pressed against my mouth and something holding me up against a wall. I opened my eyes and saw nothing. Once adjusted to the darkness, I could make out a figure, and then saw Jasper standing there. When he saw that I was okay and wouldn't scream, he pulled his hand away and rested it on the wall by my head.

It took me a minute to figure out exactly where we were, and then I realized that we were hiding in a custodian closet, and small one at that.

With hardly any space to move, I calmed down and tried to listen for more footsteps. I heard them coming, loud and right outside the door. I tried to slow my breathing, and remembering that Jasper couldn't hear, put my finger to my mouth indicating for him to stay quiet too.

He nodded, and right then the footsteps stopped. I looked down to the tiny amount of light coming through the crack at the bottom of the door on the ground and saw shadows moving.

It seemed like time was moving in slow motion as I faintly heard Mr. Banner muttering something to himself, before then continuing with his walk down the hallway.

I absentmindedly put my head on Jasper's chest and sighed, completely relieved. Quickly realizing what I did, I pulled my head back and looked him in the eyes. That's also when I noticed that Jasper was still holding me down, one hand still on my waist and the other resting on the wall beside my head. We were _so_ close, closer than we've ever been; I could feel his breath on my face, the electricity between us was completely mind shattering. His body was pressed against my own and I could feel the rise and fall of his chest with his breathing, which I noticed were coming and going much faster-heavier. Our lips were only a whisper apart, just so…_close._

I felt my eyes start to close on their own accord and started to tilt my head up just the tiniest bit, when…

"Ouch!" I whispered, and looked down to see that I got hit with a broom that had fallen.

Just then, as if realizing what could have happened, Jasper let go of me, opening the door quietly and looked around.

I silently cursed the damn broom and followed Jasper out into the hallway. We ran a different route to the Library, taking all necessary precautions and looking around corners before crossing them. Jasper didn't look at me as we ran, or really acknowledged me at all, but I could swear that when we had left the closet I heard him sigh regretfully.

XOXOXO

Once we got to the Library door, I opened it quietly and snuck inside. Surprised and very thankful, I noticed Jessica still in the same condition we left in.

When we finally got back into our seats, Jasper finally turned to me, and we both smiled triumphantly at each other.

Only minutes later, Mr. Banner came stomping into the room, the door slamming behind him. The noise woke Jessica with a start and she quickly lifted her head, wiping any access drool off her face. I watched, amused and trying to suppress a laugh.

Mr. Banner didn't miss Jessica's reaction to his entrance.

"Jessica Stanley you can't possibly tell me you've been asleep this whole time!"

As she opened her mouth to object but he cut her off.

"Have you even written your paper yet?" He almost yelled.

Knowing she already lost, she gave in.

"No sir, Mr. Banner, sir." She mumbled quietly.

That just started him on a completely new rant.

"Do none of you know what responsibility is? I left you all here for…"

I took a rain check for his twenty minute lecture about responsibility and zoned out.

As I was replaying the day over in my head, I actually found that it was a lot better than I had expected it to be this morning.

I was smiling to myself when I was suddenly pulled out of my thought by someone calling my name.

"Bella! Bella!" I looked up, embarrassed that I had been caught not paying attention.

"Um…yes?" I asked, starting to blush.

I looked into Mr. Banner's very irritated looking eyes and suddenly got really _anxious._

"Would you like to explain to me, why you and Mr. Whitlock are completely soaked?"

* * *

**AN: Ahh, yes, a cliffie! We are that evil! lol.  
Sooo, you want to see what happens to Jasper and Bella? Review Review! It truly does make Jasper smile.**

**--After Hours by We Are Scientists--**

We're finally soaking up,  
The hours that everyone else throws away.  
And if we have to go now,  
I guess there's always hope,  
Tomorrow night will be more of the same.

This night is winding down but  
Time means nothing,  
As always at this hour  
Time means nothing,

**Really hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter :)**

**As always-much love, **

**-TheSantiSuicide**


	9. Maybe Not

**AN: Hey guys, thanks for reading! No we have not abandoned the story, we've just been kinda busy. Sorry for not updating faster, it's been a long winding road. _Enjoy. _lol.  
P.S. How did you guys feel about Jasper's POV? Did you like it, did you not? Should it be left out of the story? None of you actually mentioned his pov in the reviews for the last chapter.  
P.P.S. Jasper has not spoken...yet. lol. I'll shut up now.  
P.P.P.S: We love you guys and Cullenlover1901 is a freak. Oh, and of course, reviews seriously make us happy :)**

**Disclaimer :We don't own Twilight. **

* * *

So after earning ourselves a month of once a week after school eraser clapping, Jasper and I headed home. The drive was sort of awkward but I decided to just focus on the road instead of the person next to me, although I made this conscious decision subconsciously, I was going over the whole day's events in my mind. I predicted today to be boring and unsatisfactory but what I got was the complete opposite; today was exciting in every way, and it was all because of Jasper. I mean in the closet we were so close… I don't know what it is with him but this…this…obvious _attraction… _it's strange…wrong but right….

As I pulled into the drive way I saw Jasper smirk from the corner of my eye, I disregarded it—easier said than done— and proceeded to get out of the car. As soon as we got in the house we went our separate ways, Jasper to his room and me to mine, I don't know what I expected but the separation seemed so sudden and unnecessary.

I had been sitting in my room for a good hour trying to finish up my poem for English class before I decided to do something about my physical agitation. I stood from my place at the window seat and started towards Jasper's room, I don't know what came over me but I just couldn't be alone anymore.

"Hey Jazz, I'm going to the grocery store to get some stuff so I can cook dinner, do you want to come with?" I signed once I had gotten his attention.

"Jazz?" he signed back with an eyebrow quirked.

"Oh, sorry…I didn't mean-"

He waved his hands in front of him in a dismissing gesture. "No, it's okay, I've just never had a nickname before," he signed.

I smiled sheepishly. "So about the grocery store-"

"Yeah, yeah I'm in," he signed. "Just give me a minute to clean up here," he smiled as he waved to the mess of drawing utensils splayed about the floor.

I nodded and walked back to my room the way I came. I put on my jacket, grabbed my keys and wallet, and went down stairs. Jasper came down just as I finished making the list of things I needed…_good timing_…I thought as we headed out the door.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Jasper and I were walking down the pasta isle when I remembered that I needed fresh tomatoes—something I had forgotten to put on the list—I looked back over at Jasper who was reading the back of a box of pasta.

I tapped him on the shoulder and began speaking. "I need to get some tomatoes, do you mind getting the lasagna boards and meeting me in the vegetable section?"

He nodded and pushed the cart further down the aisle in search of the perfect pasta. After I sent Jasper on his mission I started on my own, I began walking towards the produce section when I heard faint voices in the distance, and it sounded as if they were having an argument of some sort. I started to think I was hallucinating but then when I finally arrived at the produce isle I saw two people. One was tall and lean with messy auburn hair and pale skin, while the other was short and pixy like with spiky black hair, and a voice like bells. As I walked closer I began to pick up on the argument.

"You are being utterly absurd; you know mom likes her lettuce and GREEN!" He nearly shouted.

"You know what, you can take your green lettuce and shove it up your pale white-"

I couldn't take it anymore…I laughed.

They both turned and looked at me-the small one-the pixie girl, turned back to berate the other male. "See, your stupidity gets us laughed at by random people!" She reached up and whacked him in the back of his head.

"Ouch! Why don't we just ask her opinion?" The boy reasoned.

"Fine!" she huffed crossing her arms "But you do it!"

"Excuse me, would you be so kind as to tell my sister that iceberg lettuce is white, not GREEN!" He said pointedly looking at the girl.

"And would you tell my dearest brother that the head of lettuce he is holding is in fact brown, NOT green nor white?" The girl said coming up to my other side.

"Both of you are wrong," I said coolly.

"What!?" They both shouted.

"Well the iceberg lettuce you are holding is actually a cabbage, and his head of lettuce is burgundy, not brown…why don't you try salad in a bag?"

They were both silent for a moment, looking at me incredulously. "That is a brilliant suggestion. Edward, I'll go get the dressing and why don't you get a couple bags of salad?"

"Sure thing," he replied, his eyes boring into mine.

I watched as the pixie like girl danced off in the other direction.

"I don't think we've met before, are you new in town?"

"No actually I'm not, in fact I have lived here all my life…I think you might be new to town though…well at least newer than me."

"Well, I moved here with my parents and my sister last year," he smiled a breath taking crooked grin. "Don't you find it strange—"he gestured to me.

"Isabella swan, but just call me Bella."

"Yes, don't you find it strange Isabella that we've never crossed paths?"

"No, I think you find it strange," I said walking in the direction of the tomatoes. "I just find it predictable."

"And why is that Bella?"

I picked up a tomato and smiled. "Fruit or vegetable?" I asked.

"Seeing as I'm an old fashioned kind of guy, I would say vegetable...why?"

"Well, there you have it…you think it's a vegetable, I know it's a fruit," I said.

"And?"

"You find it strange that we haven't met before, I find it highly predictable," I explained tapping my temple. "Different people different minds."

"How perceptive of you."

At some point we had closed the space between us…I took a step back trying to distance myself from the alluring creature, but I found myself falling backwards…I felt two arms wrap around me…and when I looked up I expected to see Jasper, but this time it was a bronze haired god…he didn't place me up right as I expected but we stayed dipped as if we were dancing.

"Edward Cullen…that's my name…" He smiled.

"I didn't ask…but it's always good to know," I answered, looking deep into his shining green eyes.

Suddenly I felt like I was being watched. I looked up and saw Jasper standing there frowning, looking irritated and…hurt?

"Jasper?" I said not expecting him to hear me.

Edward following my gaze then looked back at me skeptically, standing us both up. "Boyfriend?"

I shook my head. "I have to go," I said as I grabbed my bag of tomatoes.

"Bella!" He called after me but I didn't turn back.

I raced down the main aisle, looking down all the smaller ones, and when I got to the end I found him. Jasper was sitting with one of his legs to his chest and his head resting on top of it. His eyes were closed so I walked over to the cart to put my tomatoes down and then sat down next to him. I took his hand in mine; he turned his head to look at me, his eyes constantly changing their emotion. I brought the palm of his hand to my lips and kissed it softly; looking deep in his eyes, and signed, "I'm sorry."

At the touch of my lips to his skin, I saw through him for a moment, the surprise was as clear in his eyes as the relief. Quickly shaking his head and clearing his expression, he signed back. "No, I'm sorry, that was very rude of me…let's go home."

I nodded and stood up, pulling him with me.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

After we put the groceries away I began boiling the water for the lasagna boards. Jasper had gone upstairs to change his clothes, and when he came back down he was wearing some ripped jeans and a navy blue button down shirt.

"Jazz, can you start the hamburger while I go change?" I asked after getting his attention.

He nodded and I made my way upstairs. As I changed I realized that suddenly cared how I looked, so before I went down stairs I stopped at the mirror and re-did my eye liner and brushed my hair so it looked tame…

When I stepped on to the landing I noticed that Jasper was sitting at the table with his head rested on his arms, he looked like he was in pain.

I walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. "Are you alright?"

He shook his head 'no'. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"My head hurts and I feel a little dizzy, it's nothing," he signed.

"Well, go upstairs and lie down, I will bring you some aspirin and water, okay?" I signed back.

He nodded reluctantly, and with that he was gone…I was left there to finish the lasagna on my own…

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

When the oven timer went off I fixed two plates of lasagna, two glasses of water and an aspirin for Jasper. Putting the items on the tray, I headed upstairs, being extra careful not to trip or drop anything. When I reached Jasper's room I put the tray on the hall way table and opened the door, my eyes were immediately drawn to the bed in the center of the room. There Jasper was sleeping, but he had the sexiest little smirk on his face.

"God you're ridiculous…" I sighed to myself.

I walked back into the hallway, and when I returned I placed Jasper's aspirin, food, and his glass of water on the bedside table. Looking down at him as he slept I could tell he was still in some sort of pain and decided to try and bring him some sort of relief.

I reached out to his shoulder and shook him gently. When his eyes opened he looked around franticly and then when he gazed at me he visibly relaxed. I smiled and grabbed the aspirin and the glass of water from the table.

"Here, take this…" I said as he sat up.

He took the aspirin first and then sipped from the glass of water; when he finished I remembered the food.

"I brought your food just in case you didn't feel like going downstairs, if you need anything I'll be in my room," I signed with a smile.

He smiled back at me as he signed, "thank you, I'm starting to feel better already."

I gently closed the door behind me and got my food and water from the table. As I sat down on my bed I looked around my room, it seemed insipid and vacant despite the red walls and dark wood furniture. I heard the sound of thunder so I moved to the window seat so I could watch the rain while I ate. After a while I heard a soft knock at the bathroom door, I put my empty plate back down on the bench and went to answer it.

I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. Jasper stood there in all his blonde glory with an impish smile playing lithely on his soft looking lips, and a lock of hair dangling in his eyes begging me to push it back.

"May I come in?" He signed.

I stood there for a moment, astonished by the random act.

"Why?" I said tactlessly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise and I suddenly remembered etiquette and consideration.

"No, that's not what I- yes, you can come in," I stammered as I stepped aside.

As he walked in he looked around for a minute taking everything in, he looked back at me as I stood there awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, what I meant was, is there something you needed?"

He looked at me sheepishly as he signed "No, not really…I just didn't feel like being alone tonight, it would be great if we could just hangout for a while, but If you are busy-"

"No, no, not at all," I smiled.

He walked around looking at all the things I had placed on the shelves about the room; he stopped at one shelf in particular. The shelf had framed pictures on it, along with two photo albums.

He leaned closer to the photos inspecting them one by one, and then turned around.

"Did you take these?" He signed.

I nodded and he turned back around, picked up the two photo albums and sat down on the floor next to the window seat. I walked over and sat on the window seat with my back against the wall and my legs crossed at the ankle.

As Jasper flipped through albums he leaned his head back against my side and I involuntarily weaved my fingers through his hair, enjoying the feel of it in my hand.

We sat there for an immeasurable amount of time, just relaxing, every now and then Jasper would see a picture and laugh or smile at it. Eventually Jasper grew sore from sitting on the floor so he got up, retrieved my plate and glass and asked if I wanted anything from the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine, thank you," I said in reply.

By the time Jasper had returned I was laying comfortably on the bed reading, Jasper went to his room for a minute and came back with a book. He walked to my side of the bed and peered over me and I sat up with in curiosity.

"What are you reading?" He signed.

"Pride and Prejudice…again," I replied.

"May I join you?"

"Sure, make yourself comfortable," I laughed.

He walked around the bed and laid down on the other side. After a while I felt his eyes on me, and when I looked at him he blushed a delightful pink color and returned his eyes to his book. A few minutes passed and I stopped reading to rest my head for a while. When I did this I realized Jasper's close proximity and I immediately had to push away my unsuitable thoughts.

When I felt Jasper's gentle touch on my shoulder it was my turn to blush as I looked up at him.

"Glasses?" He signed, referring to the reading glasses I was wearing.

"Hey! They are naughty librarian chic." I said, trying to play off my embarrassment.

"What did you mean by pride and prejudice 'again'?" He asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Well, I love all the classics but I haven't read any book as much as I have Pride and Prejudice," I shrugged.

"Why?"

"The story just captivates me in ways that…that nothing ever has… It's sort of like true love, me and my books," I said wistfully.

He nodded and smiled. "I don't think I have felt that way about anything in a while," He signed back.

"What are you reading?" I asked nodding towards his book.

"Letters Home: Memoirs of a Confederate Soldier, it's a great book," he signed in reply.

"You are in to battle pieces, huh?" I laughed.

"More history than battle pieces, but they are some of my favorites."

"That's understandable, being in a different time is very…therapeutic in a sense," I said.

We stayed like that, reading and chatting every now and then. At some point we both must have fell asleep because when I woke my head was on Jasper's chest and his arms were protectively around me; it was still dark outside. I reluctantly got up, turned the lights out and looked over at Jasper…he looked peaceful and content. I wanted _so badly_ to return to his arms but I knew he would be cold and distant as ever in the morning.

I returned to my end of the bed and laid on my side, with my back facing Jasper. As my eyes drifted shut I could only think one thing…_ why can't I just be in his arms again…_

This time when my eyes opened I could see first light. I numbly tried to take in my surroundings when I suddenly felt his strong arms around my waist, when I looked back Jasper was rested comfortably behind me, his body was pressed against mine, and I felt his cool breath on my neck in the most tantalizing way; just his hand alone was so close to my…_oh god how am I ever going to go back to sleep now?_

Just then I felt two lips against the nape of my neck…

* * *

**AN: Thanks for reading, now review bb review! It might just make Paige (cullenlover) write faster. lol.**

**--Maybe Not by Cat Power--**

We all do what we can  
So we can do just one more thing  
We won't have a thing  
So we've got nothing to lose  
We can all be free  
Maybe not with words  
Maybe not with a look  
But with your mind

**-TheSantiSuicide**


	10. The Sound Of Settling

**This chapter was written by P- CullenLover1901**

**We miss you. Sorry we've been gone so long.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

When I next opened my eyes I saw that the sun was brilliantly illuminating my room, setting off the golden hues of everything in sight and just as I was about to get up to close the blinds I remembered I was not alone. My heart beat accelerated at the thought of waking up next to him, so when I slowly turned in his arms to face him it damn near leapt from my chest. He was there, and last night wasn't a dream. My head rested on his chest wasn't a dream, his eyes watching me slyly as I read was not a dream, his lips against my neck wasn't not a dream, his arms around me as I now watched him sleep…this was _not_ a dream…

Looking at him then, face to face, I could see how truly gorgeous he was. The way the sun came through the window set Jasper's face and golden hair aglow. I reached out and gently pushed his hair from his face hoping that the golden essence of it would be tangible somehow; I let my finger tips lightly glide over his pale lavender eye lids and then I traced over his perfect nose. I continued down his jaw line and then I let the pad of my thumb trace over his lips…that was it….

I was frozen in place, with my finger tips still on his cheek and my thumb still on his lips he sighed; pulling me further into his arms before he sleepily opened his eyes. At first he just gazed at me, seemingly studying my face before he moved his hand from where it rested on my hip to my face and started repeating the exact patterns that I had just made; his hands were so soft and capable as he touched me almost reverently. I could see contemplation on his face when his fingers went over my lips they lingered there. My heart stopped. He slowly moved closer as his hand got lost in my hair…we closed our eyes and…

_Times are strange_

_We got a free upgrade for_

_Snakes on a plane._

_Fuck 'em, I don't care._

_Poppin' cheap champagne,_

_We're going down in flames, hey._

_Oh, I'm ready for it_

_Come on, bring it._

_Oh, I'm ready for it_

My alarm clock I forgot to turn it off from yesterday…_damn it!_

I flinched at the noise, making Jasper suddenly stop. Jasper studied my features carefully before his hand slowly moved from my hair and came back to my face, he caressed my cheek and then let go…I took the hint and unhitched my leg from his hip, and removed my hand from his face. I turned on my side so my back was to him…I just couldn't watch him leave...

I felt the tears on my face before I actually realized I was crying. I decided that going back to sleep was the best thing to do so I turned over on my stomach and buried my tear stained face in my pillow, letting the silence fill me up and carry me away.

No more than three hours later I woke up and then lay in bed looking at the ceiling for another hour. I looked over at the window and saw it was really bright outside. I took into consideration the rarity of a sunny day and decided that moping all day over nothing is going to get me nowhere.

I rolled out of bed and changed my clothes; settling on a cami, a hobo sweater, ripped jeans and slouchy boots. I grabbed my scarf, my camera, and walked out the door. On my way out, as I walked past Jasper's door, which was slightly ajar. As I looked in I saw him sitting on the window seat fully dressed and staring almost longingly out the window. I walked into his room, sat down next to him, touched his shoulder and started signing

"All dressed up with nowhere to go?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Pretty much," he signed back, smiling slightly.

"Look it's really nice outside, so I'm going out to get some photos done…. Do you want to come with?"

"Yeah where are we going?" His eyes suddenly shining as he sat up straight, almost as eager as a kid. _Man he must be bored living here…_I mused

"Does it really matter?" I quirked an eyebrow playfully.

"No, but I just want to know," he admitted with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes. "We're going into town, just walking around, down by the lake, and maybe the train tracks."

"Oh okay, let's go," he signed, standing up right away and grabbing my hand, leaving me laughing as he dragged us out the door.

When we stepped out into the sunlight I just felt better about everything, like a weight was just lifted off my shoulders the moment I saw Jasper's smile. When we started walking away from the house and into the small town of Forks I looked over at Jasper and noticed how his eyes sparkled; damn near giving the sun a run for its money.

-----

When we returned home I went immediately down to the dark room I had in the basement while Jasper started dinner. While we were out I got some beautiful shots of the lake, the train tracks and the overpass…but the most amazing picture I took was of Jasper. It was while he was walking down the tracks; he was looking ahead, at what I didn't figure out…maybe he was just thinking-and without realizing it I just took the picture. I hung the black and white picture up to dry with a smile on my lips and I headed back up stairs.

When I walked into the kitchen I saw Jasper was cutting up some vegetables with a concentrated look. Too busy with what he was doing, I walked up behind him and found myself watching him for the millionth time today. His shoulder blades moved in sync with his arm as he cut the food. He had taken off his jacket when we came inside and I could just barely make out the faint cuts on the back of his arms..._I would have to ask about that someday…_

With that last thought in my mind, I tapped him on his shoulder, and I would have expected any reaction _beside_ the one that he gave. Within a heart beat, and just as I blinked, he jumped, spun around; and the next thing I knew he had me pinned to the wall with his hand at my throat.

My eyes went wide and without meaning to I stopped breathing; but when he looked at me he instantly removed his hands and stared at me. I could see the anger rising in his darkening blue eyes and he scowled at me. I was about to say I was sorry for sneaking up on him, I was…I would have said anything but I was suddenly hyperaware with the closeness of our bodies. How he was sighing with frustration and I could feel it on my parted lips. How his hands went from around my throat and ended up on either side of my head leaning on the fridge behind me. How his hips were pressing against mine and…and…and then took off stomping up the stairs, but not before I could see the blush in his face.

I heard the door slam and I sighed. I walked over to the stove, turned off all the burners and put away the food, deciding for the second time today that it was just best to go back to sleep.

* * *

**Inspired By:**

**Deathcab For Cutie-The Sound Of Settling.**

**Our youth is fleeting  
Old age is just around the bend  
And I can't wait to go gray**

**And I'll sit and wonder  
Of every love that could've been  
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.**

**Please review :D**

**Sorry it took so long.**


	11. What If

**WE'RE BACK! lol. Hey, this is Santi911. **

**I _know_ you guys watched the movie (twice for me), what did you think!? Jasper look constipated to you? lol. I thought so. **

**Happy suuuuper early Christmas. Hopefully we'll have written something new before then though :D fingers crossed, I need some inspiration.**

**anyway, I'll stop so you can read :D next chap is gonna be AWESOME! lol. Review :D**

* * *

I took a shower instead; needing some time to seriously clear my head. No matter how many times I thought through everything, nothing was adding up. This morning Jasper and I almost...and then at dinner he…he just freaked out. I realized it bothered me more that I didn't know what could make him react like that, rather than the fact that he could have seriously hurt me…that he almost did. But in that moment, I also realized, everything that I could have been thinking in that particular moment, it just disappeared the second that I saw the expression on his face. How pained it looked when he realized it was me was just…heartbreaking. I didn't want him to feel bad. I didn't ever want to see him sad like that again.

Running a hand through my hair, and taking a deep breath, I turned off the water and rested my head on the shower door.

I would talk to him. Soon.

Outside Jasper's door in a pair of pajama shorts and an old logoed t-shirt, I just stood there. So…maybe I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing here at the moment. All I knew was that I wanted to make sure that Jasper was okay…that he didn't beat himself up too much over the…well, whatever happened, I wasn't even sure myself. Hesitantly licking my lips, I got ready to make a fool of myself, and opened the door.

Only, Jasper wasn't there.

The first and only thing my eyes landed on was the lone guitar occupying the middle of Jasper's room floor. Papers were scattered about and upon closer inspection, I saw that they were lyrics…or, they looked like lyrics.

"_What if there was no light.  
Nothing wrong, nothing right.  
What if there was no time?  
And no reason or rhyme?  
What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side.  
That you don't want me there in your life._

_What if I got it wrong?  
And no poem or song…  
Could put right what I got wrong,  
Or make you feel I belong  
What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side  
That you don't want me there in your life."_

After skimming a couple more papers here and there, I realized how nosy I was being and headed back to my room. Without really realizing I was doing it, the first thing I turned to was the clock by my nightstand. 8:30. _Already?_ I thought, as I went to sit on my bed.

Time droned on. Minutes passed by and the silence grew old fast. By 9:45 I had long since grabbed a book, but it was long after that I realized that I had been reading the same paragraph over and over; my mind still playing Jasper's written words in my head.

If you asked me, I couldn't tell you much of what I was feeling right then, or at all anymore. And as dramatic as that sounds, it was only true. There was too much chaos. Too many feelings running their way through me to actually feel what the dominant emotion was. What confused me most though was, that before Jasper came along, I didn't remember what I felt. _If_ I was feeling anything at all. Before it was always just making it through another day, not completely feeling; just living. But since Jasper's arrival, there were _too_ many mixed feelings. Things I've never experienced before. And I couldn't let herself wander into what that meant.

10:55 came around, and I found myself slipping. My eyes grew heavy and my book fell to the floor. I didn't want to sleep. Not while Jasper was gone. It scared me- not being alone- but the fact that _he_ _was._ Jasper didn't even know Forks that well (not that there _was much _to know), and he could be lost…or worse. And even though, this whole time I had tried to keep my mind off it; to not let myself think that way, I couldn't help but let a few of the different scenarios run through my mind. What if while he was walking across the street a car came and he didn't hear it? What if he had gotten lost in the forest and couldn't find his way out? What if… "What if I got it wrong? And no poem or song… Could put right what I got wrong?" What if all that did happen, and it was some sort of punishment to himself…all for something that was an accident? I mean…he didn't seem like he was very angry when he went stomping up the stairs…he seemed more embarrassed.

It didn't cross my mind right then that what I was thinking was ridiculous. Or that it may have, well, sounded somewhat conceited to think that Jasper would put himself in danger just because of me…but again, we weren't going with facts. This was all theory.

And all the while, as I tortured myself with thoughts of ludicrous, even impossible things, I didn't hear the door open and close downstairs. Or the light drag of shoes coming up through the halls, I hardly even heard the door squeak open. No, I felt him there before I noticed any of that. Some kind of strange connection; just a sense of the other. It was almost tangible in the air. This strange bond between us that got pulled together without either of us knowing it was happening. But none of that mattered at the moment to me. All that mattered was the poor, broken looking, beautiful boy standing there in my doorway. Water droplets falling off his disheveled, blonde hair, and clothes soaked all the way through.

Although I clearly saw the hesitation in Jasper's features, or the way his hands were clenching in and out of fists at his sides, he still managed to pull on a halfhearted smile for me and quirk and eyebrow.

"You're still up…" He obviously didn't mean it as a question, but by the look in his dark blue eyes, it was like I didn't need to see him sign, or even hear him say it to tell exactly what he was thinking. _You couldn't have possibly stayed for me...?_

The intensity of his stare made me falter, stop thinking about my words. "I…yeah, reading." Only to remember my fallen book when Jasper looked down at it; though he never questioned.

What lasted a moment seemed to feel like forever. As the precious sound of time rolling by swept passed us, unspoken words were left hanging in the air. Like poison it seemed to find both of us, until the only way to get our thoughts in the open was through our quiet gazes. Our eyes held each others and that's when I finally realized how I felt. And then the feeling after. The one I know will have to be the one reflected on the outside. Because I _can't_.

My eyes left his first. Unable to look back at him with my own new found information. But really, I knew all along. My eyes traveled back down his body when I noticed the slight shiver pass through him, and that's when my mind finally kicked back into gear.

"God Jasper, I'm sorry. You must be freezing, come on."

It didn't quite matter at the moment that he _knew_ where everything was, or that he wasn't a child. For some reason I just had the urge to make him feel safe. Comfort him in some way.

Getting off the bed and lightly grabbing a hold on Jasper's wrist, I ignored the flash of electricity that always seemed to occur when I touched him and led him to the bathroom. I grabbed a towel out of the closet and wrapped it around him. _That_, I could have let him do himself. My fingers lingered on his shoulders longer than intended and gravity somehow pulled us closer together, almost chest to chest.

I swallowed, licking my lips out of habit and tried to restart my vocal cords. It wasn't that I didn't _love_ these moments with Jasper, it was that I didn't want to forget that earlier didn't happen. Didn't want to stray away from the fact that Jasper _left_, and that I wanted to know where and more importantly _why_…why everything. I was just ready for Jasper to finally tell me everything. Though, it wasn't really my move to make.

So when I said it, it came out more sounding as a question than anything. But it's not like he could tell.

"We—you should get dried up…we'll talk in the morning…?"

Again Jasper did something I wouldn't expect, didn't see coming. He held his hand up to my face. His cold fingers lightly tracing along my jaw to finally stop right under my chin. My breath hitched as Jasper turned my face up just a little more, staring into my dark, coffee brown eyes seemingly searching for something. Only he would know what; I was a bit busy trying to keep from having a cardiac arrest.

When Jasper let go, somewhat reluctantly, I felt my cheeks flush red and I headed for the door behind him to go back to my room before I could faint.

And as I went to close the door behind me, I could swear to anyone that I felt the sweet, musical _sounding_words on his lips before I actually _heard_ them.

"I'm truly sorry, Bella."

And the door closed.

* * *

**Inspired by Coldplay - What If**

_** Every step that you take  
Could be your biggest mistake  
It could bend or it could break  
But that's the risk that you take  
What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there in your life.  
That you don't want me there by your side.**_

**It's good, you should check it out. Coldplay=love.**

**Review please :) It'd be the best gift ever!  
**


	12. Chasing Cars

**AN: Oh, how it's been so long. We're so sorry we've been gone. We were busy writing this for YOU. (lol, sorry I couldn't help myself. A shout out to those Panic fans;))**

**So...there's really so much that I can say, but I think I'll spare you the rambling so you can go on to reading. There'll be another AN at the end anyway ;)**

**Disclaimer: Not our characters, plot inspired by The Quiet, and song title belongs to Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars.**

* * *

After a second of shock and an apology hanging in the air, it finally dawned on me. And just…What the_ fuck? _Because that can't be…_right?_ But _that voice._ And Now… Now I was running back towards the door, only to hear the sound of the shower going just as I raised my fist to knock. I guess… I'll have to wait.

XX

Despite the fact that I always considered myself a patient person, and more of a listener than a talker, I was more than a little surprised when I found myself pacing back and fourth with words and accusations at the ready.

After a time that I found appropriate for Jasper to have finished dressing, I made my way through the hallway, standing outside of his door like so many other times since he's moved here. I didn't find it necessary to knock, he wouldn't hear it anyway, so I hesitantly cracked open the door and took a peak in. There in the middle of the room, looking down at the papers strewn all around, Jasper stood, his back to me and his shoulder's hunched just slightly.

Before I even opened the door completely the silence was broken.

"Come in Bella."

My mouth opened just slightly and he turned around, moving his hair out of his face and motioned to his bed. I tried to ignore the increased sound of my heart beat as I walked over and sat down.

Jasper didn't look at me again as he sat on the floor and started picking up papers.

He was stalling. I'd be dumb if I didn't know that. But I let him; I didn't push it because I needed to figure out what I was going to say. Suddenly I wished that I hadn't been so eager to come over and question him. I didn't know where to start.

After a shorter time than I had hoped for, Jasper stacked all the papers in a pile and stuffed them in a notebook on the desk before coming over to sit on the bed next to me.

"You can talk." I signed, looking up at him. I decided not to really say anything; hopefully…maybe he would just tell me. Trust me.

"They never said I was mute, Bella." And the sound of my name never sounded so beautiful on anyone else's lips.

Finally he looked at me and I could see that he felt exposed, vulnerable. A part of me didn't want to do this now; I didn't want to see him like this. But I knew that it needed to happen so I could help him.

"It's just…uncomfortable," he signed, shrugging. "It's not like I can hear if what I'm saying is coming out right…or what I sound like at all," he said sadly, his head tilted down just slightly.

Without thinking about it, I turned his head to look at me and smiled just slightly.

"There's nothing wrong with your voice. _Trust_ me." And…wow I can't believe I just said that.

He smiled at that and turned away, trying and failing (so hard) to hide the red flooding to his cheeks. And, _god._

I must have zoned out and forgotten how long I was staring-so focused on how fucking _beautiful_ he was, because the next thing I knew Jasper was waving a hand in front of my face and- "Bella? Hello, Bella?"

Maybe I should just keep pretending I don't hear him. If only I could hear him say my name forever…

"Mhhmm, yeah?"

Jasper laughed; his lips forming a smirk.

"It's late; we have school in the morning…"

It felt weird to just accept this new found feeling; to just go back to normal, almost wrong. And I couldn't help the disappointed expression that took over my face for a second before I caught myself.

"Yeah," I looked over to the clock: 11:40. Jesus, where'd the time go? "I'll wake you in the morning."

Barely three steps and I felt a cold hand capture my wrist. Tight enough to get attention, but loose enough for me to pull back freely. As if I ever could. As if I had a choice. I never did, not with Jasper.

I turned back to see his defenseless blue eyes. Those eyes that could be everything at once, those eyes that now reflected fear, maybe a little hope, a hint of shame…

"Will you…Could you maybe stay with me tonight?" I had never seen him so distressed …So utterly lost looking…. how could I deny him anything?

I squeezed his hand and nodded. He was tearing me apart and he didn't even know it. He was making this _so damn hard_ for me. Because I couldn't. There was no way I could ever…have _him._

Climbing into bed was strange because it didn't feel strange _at all_. It felt like routine, like absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Curling up beside him under the covers, the smell of vanilla and freshness and just _Jasper_ that took over my senses was just.

Just.

And then awareness. It always happened like this. Just the feeling of completeness before the awareness filtered into the picture…

We lay side by side on the twin sized bed and the time passing by couldn't lull me into closing my eyes to the sight of him.

He had long since fallen asleep, his breathing finding a pattern that matched my own. But I didn't think about it too much.

I smiled down at our still intertwined fingers. He still didn't let go, and as long as he needed them there, needed _me_ there, then that's that.

Upon closer inspection I could spot the deep cuts that scarred his arm. And, fuck. It _hurt._ It hurt to see him like that. To know that it was once that bad. It was hard to imagine him hurting when he was right here, this close, and looking so at ease. Harder to imagine someone hurting _him_ enough to make him do this. And then I remembered the scars on his back.

A tear escaped on its own accord as I subconsciously lowered my lips to his scars. Hoping to kiss them away, to make it all better. Because Jasper deserved that. He deserved better.

"I'll fix you. I will. I promise." I whispered against his wrist, knowing that I would never get to tell him, and knowing this might me my only chance to ever be this close to him; that he might go back to the blank faced, uninterested person he used to be in the morning.

With one last look at Jasper, I closed the distance between us-feeling terrible and hopeless as I kissed him lightly on the lips. Small and quick enough to be a friendly kiss, but just enough to be so much more. So soft and perfect and. This was what I'd been thinking about for so long, and even though he wasn't even aware of it, he still made my heart beat faster, made me fall a little harder.

I fell asleep after that, or so I thought. Just on the brink of awareness, slowly fading into the fogginess of my mind, I heard my name in the quiet.

XX

Waking up was just the same, just the same as last time, and also ten different kinds of not even close. In the back of my mind I could hear the alarm clock blaring from my bedroom and knew it was time for school. Oh, joy.

Then all I noticed was the smooth skin underneath me, the light fanning of soft breathing on the back of my neck. And, whoa.

I took a much needed deep breath before I tried to figure out where my limbs ended and his began. And then, what the hell? When did his shirt come off?

I was on top of him, my right leg wedged in between his, and my arms were around him and. _Oh god so close_.

Then it dawned on me, Jasper's cold hand on my skin where my shirt had ridden up. Tracing patterns and words that I couldn't make out.

A shiver ran through me, and he must have felt it, felt the sudden goose bumps rise up on my skin because he froze for a moment, and continued again. And this, this was different.

Still in post sleep fogginess, I slowly tilted my head up till my chin rested on his chest and smiled. His dark eyes captured mine and held them, allowing a slow, teasing smile to grace his lips.

Cautiously, I lifted my hand and let my fingers push back his hair from his face, letting them linger there for a bit longer than necessary.

I wanted to stay there forever. Just lying in Jasper's arms, skin on skin sleeping the day away. But the sound of my alarm clock was starting to give me an insane headache.

Not wanting to break the silent interaction we were having, I cautiously leaned down, pressing my lips to Jasper's chest before making my way out of his room, my cheeks aflame and not once looking back.

Once I shut off the alarm and sat on the bed to gather myself, when I finally realized how horrible I felt. Waking up in Jasper's arms distracted me, but now, alone in my room it all hit me. Really hard. My head hurt, my throat was burning and I just felt all around disgusting. _Fantastic_. I wonder how Jasper must be feeling, seeing as he had been the one out in the rain all night.

I shook my head, deciding to see if my mom was awake yet, but when I got to her room it was empty.

It wasn't unheard of; her just not being there all the time, but it always put me in a state of fear. Before I could panic too much, I reached over to the phone and dialed her number.

Two rings, that's all it got to before I heard her voice over the receiver.

"Bella, sweetie I'm so sorry. There's a storm heading in and my fight has been cancelled 'until further notice'", she mocked. I smiled and breathed out a laugh at her hyper personality. Even over the phone my mother could be such a child.

"It's okay Mom. I was just checking," I twisted the phone cord around my index finger as I sat on her bed.

"So, how is everything? You're okay right? Jasper's doing fine?"

"Yeah, yeah everything's fine. Jasper's perfect," I coughed, "Jasper's perfect_ly_ fine as well," I fixed. God, this wasn't good. "I actu-"

"I just feel so bad leaving you both there alone. I could be so irresponsible sometimes, Bella. I really am sorry." She sounded worried. I sighed.

"Mom, you have no control over the weather, its fine. _I actually _wanted to tell you that I think we've both caught something, and I feel really crappy. Would it be okay if we skipped today?"

Finally getting into mother mode, she went off a list of things to drink, where the soup is, what medicine to take, and how we should be resting a lot. I just laid down and listened, 'mhhm-ing' every once in a while.

"Drink lost of water, and Bella get well soon. I don't want you two missing a lot of school. It's barely started; don't make a habit of it."

"Alright, mom. Got it. Do you know when you're going to get back?"

"Not quite sure, no. But I don't see it lasing longer than a couple of days."

I sighed. I hated when things like this happened. "Okay. I guess I'll see you later."

"Okay, hon. I'll see you soon. Make sure Jasper's doing alright. I love you."

"Yup. I Lo-".

The line was dead.

I put the phone back down and closed my eyes. "Love you too, Mom."

I don't know how long I sat there, a few-okay, maybe fifteen minutes tops, before I saw something in my peripheral vision moving.

Leaning up on my elbows I saw Jasper standing there, leaning in the doorway. His hair was dark gold and wet like he had just taken a shower (didn't he just take on last night?), he was most definitely _not _wearing a shirt, and his pants. _Holy fucking Jesus Christ_ his pants were hanging low-dangerously low on his protruding hip bones.

My throat felt dry.

"I don't feel very well," he signed, smiling wearily.

_Looks like you're perfectly fine to me._ I shook my head slightly, trying to rid my thoughts.

"No problem; me either. Um, I was going to go watch a movie. Do you, um…"

He shifted, his pants falling lower. He smiled and headed downstairs.

"Oh, I'm so screwed," I groaned, rolling over and putting my face in the pillow.

XX

"So, any ideas?" I motioned over to the shelf full of movies. I didn't really care what we watched; this was just a better idea than sitting alone in my room thinking… sometimes thinking too much can really screw with things.

"Um…" Jasper stood up and made his way nest to me, and. Dear lord was he always this tall? He looked through them, unknowingly getting closer until his bare torso was firmly against me. And the electricity of it still gave me shivers. But he must have chosen to ignore it, that or he hadn't felt it at all.

A bright smile suddenly lit his face as he reached for one of the movies higher up and rushed over to the VCR. And then I was confused. What the hell movie did he pick? We hardly ever use the VCR anymore…

He blew off the dust, shoving it in and pressing play, before jumping over to the couch.

This complete change in character made me smile and laugh. I love that he could be this way, so childish and fun. He was undeniably adorable.

I sat on the couch just a few feet from him-pretty much as far away from him as I could get. I was still not sure where we stood. I didn't want to risk anything when he's finally starting to be himself, when he's finally opening up to me.

The opening credits started, bright colors and cartooned houses were displayed on the screen and…you got to be kidding me.

"Toy Story… Really?" I laughed and poked him in the side.

He looked over to me and my incredulous expression before sticking his tongue out at me.

"We're sick! It's either an awesome kid's movie with soup or lame re-runs of old TV shows with soup…. But I really wanted to watch this. Don't judge me," he signed pulling out an incredible pout, big blue eyes and pursed lip and all. And talk about not fighting fair. How am I to argue with that?

I just rolled my eyes and tried to hold back a smile. "Yeah. Alright, I'll get the soup then."

Half way through the movie and I can't keep my thoughts together. It bugged me. Even though he seemed okay with me last night, and today even, he still hadn't told me what happened last night; why he had left, why he freaked out.

Trying to ignore the way my heart subconsciously reacted when I saw him smile, the shock that sent shivers up my spine when his fingers would accidentally touch my legs. Knowing _why _and knowing that it was wrong and he didn't feel it. Maybe that was worse: how completely oblivious he was to what he was doing to me, how he made me feel.

I was thinking too hard about it; not thinking clearly, because without knowing, it all spilled out of my mouth. Well, half of it.

My hand was on his arm and he was looking straight at me, the movie forgotten. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Tell you what, Bella?" He signed, his eyes confused.

"What happened last night? Why did you react like that? Just…"

It was too much. Too much to ask, but all this damn curiosity was really going to give me a headache.

Jasper's eyes softened sadly.

"I can't," he replied in a broken voice. That was my only answer. He went back to watching the screen, only he didn't look like he was really watching it at all. He looked angry at himself; his jaw clenched. He didn't say anything else for the rest of the evening. I blew it.

XX

School was cut short on Tuesday. The weather was getting really bad and the principal thought it best to get us home. Alice Cullen, who I had found to be in my PE class (how had I never met this amazing little human being before?), was ecstatic. She was adorable, jumping around and inviting Jasper and I to hang out sometime. Just her way of making you agree was astonishingly efficient and stupidly annoying.

"Please Bella? It would be so fun! We could have a sleepover and tell out secrets and you have to say yes, you have to!" Her big brown eyes turned to saucers.

I again, rolled my eyes. "Of course I will. Sounds great." And obviously it did, I don't remember the last time I was actually invited over to someone's house to hang out.

"YES!" Alice squished me with a hug. "This will be epic! Invite Jasper too. I'm sure Edward would love some company."

XX

Being home was the different and all the same in a way. I hated how contradicting everything was at the moment. Jasper and I got out of the car, he opened the door for me like he usually did, we made our way inside and we both separated to our respective rooms.

It was when I was making dinner, Jasper leaning against the counter having given up asking if I needed help, that suddenly everything seemed to change. Just, shift somehow. I could actually feel it in the air. Some sort of electricity, some heavy feeling that just flooded your lungs. I chose to ignore it.

Jasper set the table anyway, helping me get the silverware out and giving me a face that I couldn't argue with.

He signed, "I can help_, just let me."_

I sat there for a while with my plate still in front of me, untouched. I wasn't hungry, I had this strange feeling. Like something was going to happen, and I didn't know what, and it scared the hell out of me.

A few minutes later and I felt blue eyes staring holes in my head. I looked up, and just as expected, Jasper was there, his eyebrows furrowed just slightly, biting his bottom lip. He wasn't mad, no, he didn't look mad. But he looked as if he was debating something, but it was the way he was _looking at_ _me_. It put me on edge and sent a shiver to run up my spine.

Suddenly I flashed back to the first time we slept in the same bed, waking up with his lips against my neck, his body just _so close_, and feeling completely safe. I felt the heat rising to my face, his intense stare still focused on me.

"…Jasper?" it came out as a whisper, (not that he could tell) and his eyes suddenly flashed down to my lips and then back up to my eyes. I should be used to that, it's nothing out of the ordinary, I mean, he had to figure out what I was saying somehow, but it still made me flush even more.

"I'm…" _going to die if you keep staring at me like that_, "I'm going up to my room, 'kay? I have to finish up some homework."

XX

Homework was easy, and I finished way faster than I had expected, but I still couldn't bring myself to go back downstairs, so I decided to write.

Pulling out my journal always calmed me down, and just for the heck of it, I flipped through the old pages, skimming through months of both good and bad days. As I went through the more recent ones, I realized with a sigh that they were almost always about Jasper. I felt kind of like a creep, and then sad because wow, this might be worse than I had thought.

I found the next free page, just letting everything out: my new little friend Alice, her brother Edward…, my mom's new working schedule, questions I had about Jasper, my confusion about how Jasper made me feel, how weird it was that even though he's deaf he's so aware of when I'm near, how Jasper this, how Jasper that, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper.

"Oh, Damnit!" I looked at the page before ripping it, crumpling it and aiming for the trash. "This is ridiculous."

I laid back on the pillows, closed my eyes, and held the open journal on top of me. _I wonder what he's doing right now_. I sighed. I hate my brain.

There was a knock, and then he was leaning against my doorway.

Jasper was gorgeous: his honey golden hair falling into his eyes and a secretive smile on his lips.

"What are you up to?" He signed, and I suddenly had an aching to hear his voice.

"Umm. Nothing. I-no, nothing," I rambled guiltily, closing my journal and laying it beside me on the bed, a feeling of heat flooding up to my face. I looked guilty, _great._

Jasper raised a questioning eyebrow and walked the rest of the way into my room without asking, sitting next to me on the bed.

It was nothing out of the norm, our new closeness, or our carefree conversation. But it still made me on edge, especially when he was like this.

Jasper bit at the corner of his bottom lip, and tried not to smile.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why are you so-"

"What are you writing about, Bella?" His voice cut mine off, sent shivers down my spine with the sound of my name on his lips. And, god have I been caught? Why was he acting so suspicious?

"I-nothing Jasper, god!" Oh, and yeah. I'm a terrible liar.

He laughed, the sound was musical. I frowned. What was it to him anyway? And what's with the drastic change in his moods lately? He was starting to give me whiplash.

After calming himself, something flashed in his eyes, too quick for me to catch, and suddenly his expression changed completely. His eyes became more intense, and he licked his lips. And then, then he was getting closer to me, closing the gap between us till he was only inches away.

"How am I to trust you Bella?" His lips are a breath away from mine, and he skips over to run them along my cheek, and then whisper in my ear. "You're making this harder then it has to be." And he nips at the bottom of my ear. No thoughts were coming to me except _closer, closer, please._ Need.

And then he was gone, jumping off my bed with the journal.

"Jasper!" I screamed in vain, running after him through the connecting bathroom and into his room.

"Hmm," I heard him mumble as he opened up the cover, flipping through the pages.

"Jasper, come on give it back!" I lunged at him, grabbing him by the shoulders and wrapping my legs around his waist. Just reaching, because oh, lord if he saw _anything_ written in that journal, I would surely die.

He was still too tall. And his arms were held high above his head as he laughed and held the book up, trying to read it.

"Jasper, Give it back!" He couldn't hear me, what was the point?

"Is any of it about me?"

"No!" I said it automatically, didn't think anything of it.

The weight of us from moving around got to be too much, and we were both falling. I landed on top of Jasper on the bed. Still reaching, and hitting, and then-.

"'Fiery, erotic, and perfectly sweet', huh?" His lips lifted into a sexy smile, and. Oh my god.

It was silent then, and my heart was beating too fast for me to keep up with. It was fast and slow and then stopped all together and, oh, he'll never let me live this down. I've ruined everything.

I was still straddling his waist, my arms reaching in vain to get my journal out of his hands. Thinking fast, I pinched his hip, making him giggle. Yes, giggle, (at least I've got something against him) before I snatched the journal out of his hand; jumping off of him before walking quickly to my own room.

"Bella! Bella, listen, I'm sorry, just-"

He grabbed my wrist as I was about to close the bathroom door on him.

"Bella, _please?_ Its okay, I'm-"

I pulled my wrist away from him, but he wouldn't take the hint, as he slipped his way into my room with me.

Embarrassment got the best of me and a sudden sting took over behind my eyes. I didn't want this. He wasn't supposed to find out. Not this way at least. Why couldn't he just let me wallow in my own humiliation?

"It's not-just go! Please, I'm embarrassed enough and I don't need your-"

His lips cut me off and then there was heat everywhere.

Jasper's kiss was nothing like I thought it'd be. It was softer and harder, sweeter and fiercer, and one hundred times more perfect than I could have imagined.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to do that." He whispered against my lips, closing the gap again and god, I couldn't _breathe_.

You see the thing is, I didn't see it coming at first and I was so shocked that all I could do was just stand there. It was when he started to pull away-fear and rejection radiating off of him, before my mind finally kicked in and I pulled him back to me. My fingers tangled in his too soft hair, and I was kissing him with all I've got.

I didn't know we started moving until the back of my knees hit the edge of the bed and I was falling, Jasper still attached to my lips and falling with me.

I pulled away, trying to regulate my breathing. Jasper didn't mind the change, and made his way down to my neck; kissing and sucking and biting and. Dear, lord. I hope that doesn't make a mark, I'd have no idea how to explain that.

We got to the middle of my bed, and I grabbed the back of Jasper's neck, making him move his lips back to mine.

I wasn't aware that I was lifting up my hips off the bed and pushing them into Jasper's until he groaned-deep, needy, and breathless, and started nibbling on my bottom lip.

He pushed his hips back harder, trapping me in between the mattress and himself. Harder until I could feel his erection rubbing in between-_Toofasttoofasttoofasttoofast- Oh, god. Not fast enough._

We were panting; I couldn't hear anything but our harsh breathing as my hand moved under Jasper's shirt, sliding over his back and to the front over his chest, pushing it up and over his head.

Once it was off I was touching him everywhere. He moved his mouth back to mine and twisted his tongue with mine. And then I was pushing back into his hips and-

"Oh, fuck," Jasper moaned, grabbing hold of my hips, hard enough to bruise, and shoved them back down into the mattress.

I gasped, and Jasper made his way down my body. Lifting my shirt and sucking wherever his lips could touch and _oh, god._

I heard a door close downstairs.

"Bella? I'm home!"

My eyes flashed open. Just…shit!

* * *

**So...there you have it! Hope we didn't disappoint. I know it's been long, but a lot's been happening and don't worry, I'll make sure next chapter doesn't take half a year to update :D**

**For me it was mostly my lost faith in the books for a while. I really wasn't very fond of Breaking Dawn (maybe except for Jasper's parts ;)) and the Twilight movie...just...yeah. Enough said for me. (At least NM looks better!)**

**But anyhoo, please review :D You guys are really the only reason I kept this going, otherwise I most likely would have just abandoned it =/**

**Just like old times, this chapter was inspired by the song:**

Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol

We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own

We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel

Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough

_Until next time,_

_-TheSantiSuicide _


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